Director Claims He’s “Taking Time Off,” Continues Answering Calls From Pontoon Boat | FFFW 282
Welp, it’s a rainy day for me right now in the great state of Tennessee. But you know what always brightens up my mood- GIFs of otters. So here’s one of those. Let’s have a great weekend!
Funeral Director Discovers Livestream Camera Openly Prefers Bald Men
Based on a true story from this week.
The service was underway.
The broadcast was live.
The chapel audio was crystal clear.
But someone outside the room noticed right away that something was wrong — something no one inside the chapel could have seen. The livestream camera had developed an intense interest in a man sitting near the podium, and it was struggling to keep its focus on the purpose of the gathering.
The camera’s video image was drifting in and out of focus. In, and then out again. The back of the man’s smooth bald head recaptured the camera’s gaze again and again.
To the funeral director, everything seemed to be going smoothly. He was seating late arrivals when he got a text message from Foveo’s DirectorCare™ team:
“The stream is live and the audio is clear, but your camera’s autofocus appears to be struggling. If possible, please move it slightly or shift it across the aisle.”
With a quick, quiet adjustment, the camera had a clearer line of sight. The autofocus settled down, the view for online guests stayed sharp, and the service continued without anyone in the chapel needing to know what had been done.
The lesson? A livestream can technically be working and still not be delivering the experience you want.
That is why Foveo’s DirectorCare™ team monitors every livestream. We help identify issues in real time — even the ones your staff cannot see from inside the chapel.
You should never have to wait until the service is over to know whether the livestream worked.See why live monitoring matters at foveo.org/expert-tips.
Funeral Director Claims He’s “Taking Time Off,” Continues Answering Calls From Pontoon Boat
Lake Benton, Michigan — Local funeral director Mark Densmore announced Friday that he was finally taking a few days off, then immediately spent the entire weekend answering funeral home calls from the back of a pontoon boat.
According to staff at Densmore Family Funeral Care, Mark had been telling everyone for weeks that he needed to “unplug,” “recharge,” and “remember what sunlight looks like.”
He even packed sunscreen.
He did not pack boundaries.
“I’m off this weekend,” Mark reportedly said while holding a fishing pole in one hand and approving an obituary proof with the other. “But if anything comes up, just call me.”
Something came up.
Then something else came up.
Then a family had a question about visitation times, the flower shop needed clarification, the crematory called back, and someone from church wanted to know if Mark had “just one quick second.”
By 2:14 p.m. Saturday, Mark had taken seven calls, sent eleven texts, and conducted what witnesses described as “a full arrangement-adjacent conversation” while drifting past a group of teenagers on jet skis.
His wife, who had hoped the weekend might include actual relaxation, said Mark kept insisting he was “basically off.”
“He said he was only handling emergencies,” she explained. “But apparently emergencies include font choices, easel placement, and whether the lobby mints had been restocked.”
Staff back at the funeral home said they tried not to call him, but admitted it felt unnatural.
“We were going to make a decision ourselves,” said office manager Pam. “But then we remembered Mark hates that.”
Mark later defended his work-life balance, noting that he went almost nine minutes without checking his phone while applying sunscreen.
“That’s growth,” he said. “You have to start somewhere.”
At press time, Mark was reportedly floating in the middle of the lake, whispering “I’m not here” while answering a call that began with, “I know you’re on vacation, but…”
ASK THE FUNERAL DUDE!
Hey Funeral Dude, I want to switch casket providers, but my current rep is on my family vacation with us. How long do I need to wait?
– Mr. Vendor Trapped
Mr. Vendor Trapped,
A month for every day of vacation.
That is the rule.
If he was there for three days, you wait three months. If he was there for a week, you wait seven months. If he helped your son catch a fish and your wife called him “basically part of the family,” brother, you are not switching providers. You are in a commercial marriage.
This is how it happens in the funeral profession. It starts with a lunch. Then a golf outing. Then he’s at your kid’s graduation. Then suddenly you’re splitting a beach house with a man whose entire personality is “mahogany availability.”
You think you’re going to schedule a meeting and make a clean break.
You are not.
You’re going to schedule a meeting, he’s going to say, “Totally understand, let’s just talk it through over 18 holes,” and before you know it, you’re standing on a fairway at 7:12 a.m. agreeing to “circle back after convention season.”
This is not a vendor relationship.
This is a web.
There are only two honorable ways out: sell the business or die.
And even then, he’ll probably send flowers and ask your son who’s handling purchasing now.
That’s not loyalty.
That’s dignity with a standing tee time.
GIF OF THE WEEK
