Director Says He’s “Tapped Into Youth Culture” After Saying “6-7” Twice

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Maple Grove, Indiana — Staff at Whitmore & Sons Funeral Home confirmed this week that owner Randy Whitmore now believes he is “fully plugged into youth culture” after learning the phrase “6-7,” a joke employees say had already come and gone long before he found it.

According to staff, Randy discovered the phrase sometime over the weekend through a nephew, a Facebook Reel, or a clip in the family group chat and arrived Monday morning acting like he’d been personally appointed ambassador to the internet. “I stay current,” Randy said, pointing at the whiteboard like a man unveiling a rebrand. “You all think I don’t know what’s going on. I know exactly what’s going on. This week? 6-7.”

Employees said the issue is not just that Randy is using it wrong. It’s that Randy has a long and well-documented history of adopting jokes years after the public buried them. Sources say he still answers the phone with “Whaaaazzzup,” calls difficult paperwork “the ol’ ball and chain,” says “talk to the hand” when he’s joking with the office manager, and occasionally points at a coworker and says “you got punk’d” when literally nothing has happened. “Last year he spent three months saying ‘nobody puts Baby in a corner’ every time we moved a plant,” one employee said. “Before that he was doing Borat voice stuff. We are tired.”

Things escalated during Monday’s staff meeting when Randy used “6-7” as a motivational slogan, a performance metric, and what appeared to be a replacement for basic adjectives. “Pre-need was a little soft last month, but the attitude in this room? 6-7,” he said, tapping the conference table for emphasis. He later wrapped the meeting by telling staff to serve families “with dignity, compassion, and, you know… 6-7,” then nodded to himself like he had just dropped a line everyone would be quoting by lunch.

Staff reportedly considered telling him the joke was old, but decided it would only encourage him to start saying “YOLO” again. “By the time Randy finds a trend, the internet has already used it, ruined it, made fun of it, and moved on,” one employee said. “We’re basically watching pop culture arrive by fax.”

Ask the Funeral Dude!

Question:
Hey, Funeral Dude, my competitor’s son asked my daughter out. Is this young love or corporate espionage? -Mr.Suspicious

Answer:
Mr.Suspicious,

It is a touchy subject whenever kids are brought into business matters. But when it comes to your competition, I can’t blame you for being cautious. In fact, you can never be too careful.

I would recommend talking to him one-on-one. Forget the classic “I have a gun, and I’m not scared to go to prison” talk. Instead, quiz him on his knowledge of funerals. If he is knowledgeable about his family’s occupation, then chances are he’s doing the classic “date the daughter of the competitor so I can marry her and work my way into her father’s will and overtake the business someday when her dad dies and rename it to my family’s current funeral name” scheme. It’s a tale as old as time.

Now, if he’s not knowledgeable, you can cut him off the leash.

NOT!

If he’s playing ignorant, I would be doubly suspicious of his intentions. Because he probably is assuming that you know about the classic, “date the daughter of the competitor so I can marry her and work my way into her father’s will and overtake the business someday when her dad dies and rename it to my family’s current funeral name” scheme and is trying the less-known but twice as heinous “Play dumb so her father doesn’t know I’m doing the ole date the daughter of the competitor so I can marry her and work my way into her father’s will and overtake the business someday when her dad dies and rename it to my famailies current funeral name” scheme.

If that’s the case, then they must be banned from seeing one another.

I would actually go ahead and look up boarding schools to protect your daughter from your competition.

It’s a shame how carried away people get in business.