Local Funeral Director Makes “6-7” Jokes to Relate with Interns; They Remain Unimpressed | FFFW 287
Is June actually almost over? How? It just began! We are flying through 2026 with a vengeance but man, I’m having a blast this summer. And June has been great, but July is also an AMAZING month. In July we get Independence Day, National Mac and Cheese Day, AND SHARK WEEK! Can it get better?
So, let’s celebrate June and keep our chins up as we head into another top 10 month! Because every month is awesome except January and February.
Guest Experiences Matter
Most people think funeral directors arrange services. What they actually do is make sure families never have to think about the details.
You find extra chairs when attendance is higher than expected. You track down a special photo before visitation begins. You notice the little things that help everything run smoothly.
Families rarely see that work. They simply experience a service that feels seamless.
It’s the same with livestreaming.
When everything works, nobody talks about the technology. Remote guests can participate, the family receives their recording, and the focus stays where it belongs: on remembering a loved one.
That’s why reliability matters.
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On the day of a service, you already have so much to coordinate for a family. Your livestream should be one of the simplest things on your list.
Your livestream should be one of the easiest ones.
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Local Funeral Director Makes “6-7” Jokes to Relate with Interns; They Remain Unimpressed
Springfield, Illinois — In what sources are calling a “deeply committed but profoundly misguided” attempt to connect with this summer’s college interns, longtime funeral director Dave Whitmore reportedly spent the entirety of Tuesday speaking almost exclusively in Gen Z slang he learned from scrolling TikTok late at night.
According to witnesses, Whitmore began the morning by greeting interns with a confident “What’s up, gang? Y’all ready to get this bread?” before immediately mispronouncing “rizz” as “riz-zee” and asking if anyone wanted to “hit a quick vibe check” before the first removal.
“He’s trying really hard,” said intern Kayla Jensen, staring blankly into the middle distance. “But it’s like watching your dad try to freestyle rap at a funeral. Which, to be fair, is kind of what’s happening.”
Throughout the day, Whitmore reportedly referred to difficult removals as “not very sigma,” described the prep room as “low-key goated with the sauce,” and asked one intern if the embalming chemicals had “that 6-7 aura.”
“I don’t know what 6-7 means,” Whitmore admitted during a brief pause in his monologue. “But I saw it in a comment section under a video of a guy power-washing a driveway, so I figured it must be respectful.”
Interns say the situation escalated during a family arrangement conference, when Whitmore attempted to reassure grieving relatives by telling them their loved one’s service would be “absolutely bussin’” and that the casket selection was “giving luxury vibes.”
“At one point he leaned over and whispered to me, ‘This family’s energy is kinda mid, right?’” said intern Marcus Lee. “I’m pretty sure they heard him.”
Despite the interns’ visible discomfort, Whitmore remained undeterred, doubling down on his efforts by attempting to incorporate slang into every aspect of the job. He reportedly labeled paperwork as “NPC quests,” referred to the hearse as “the drip mobile,” and described a particularly smooth embalming as “straight-up cinematic.”
“He asked me if I wanted to ‘collab on this body prep,’” said Jensen. “I said I needed to check something in the office and just stayed there for 45 minutes.”
Colleagues say Whitmore’s enthusiasm stems from a genuine desire to mentor the next generation, though his methods may need refinement.
“Dave’s a good guy,” said assistant director Linda Morales. “He just thinks if he says ‘no cap’ enough times, the interns will forget he still prints MapQuest directions.”
The day reportedly concluded with Whitmore attempting to initiate a group handshake he called “the Sigma Send-Off,” which involved finger guns, a spin, and what he described as “a respectful dab.” When no one participated, he completed the routine alone before nodding solemnly.
“No cap,” Whitmore said, adjusting his tie. “Funeral service got that rizz. They’ll see.”
At press time, interns confirmed they were considering switching majors.
ASK THE FUNERAL DUDE!
Is bringing a snowcone maker to the breakroom a good idea? -Mr.Cool
Mr.Cool, this may seem like a question about snow cones.
It is not.
It is a question about the very fabric of human restraint.
Because yes, technically anyone can put a snow cone machine in the breakroom. But what happens when the staff realizes that’s allowed? Today it’s blue raspberry at 10:15. Tomorrow it’s a nacho bar. Then a soft-serve machine. Before long, Gary from accounting is making root beer floats between arrangement conferences because “it’s Taco Tuesday.”
Civilizations have collapsed over less.
We don’t refrain because we can’t. We refrain because somewhere deep inside, humanity agreed there should be limits.
Anyone could bring in a milkshake maker. Nobody does. That’s what separates us from the animals.
Choose coffee. Choose self-control.
Choose dignity.
GIF OF THE WEEK
