Heat Wave Replaces Crematory | FFFW 242

I think we’re nearing the end of this heatwave, and that’s plenty of reason to celebrate – so celebrate we shall. Also, this is the last Friday of June and next week is the 4th of July! One of the greatest holidays lands on a Friday this year?!?! That’s Incredible!

Introducing The Memo by MemoryShare

MemoryShare, the #1 Live Streaming software for funeral homes, has announced a new monthly newsletter.

“The Memo” is for funeral directors to stay updated on the latest tools, pro-tips, video tricks, and technology op-eds in the funeral profession. Subscribers will get exclusive access to early offers, discounts, and feature releases.

To subscribe to The Memo, click the button below.

[Subscribe Now]

Cremation Chamber Refuses to Fire Up, Says, “Honestly? The Sun’s Got This One”

NASHVILLE, TN — With Middle Tennessee temperatures reaching a soul-evaporating 109 degrees this week and humidity levels described by meteorologists as “suffocating at best,” local cremation equipment is staging what appears to be a full-on mutiny.

“Our retort just sat there blinking like, ‘Y’all serious right now?’” said Jeremy Polk, lead operator at Smoky Hollow Crematory just outside Hendersonville. “It hit 1,400 degrees in the chamber—and we hadn’t even pressed start. That’s just solar.”

“We tried troubleshooting,” said funeral director Sarah Wayne. “Rebooted the system, checked the gas lines, even sweet-talked her with a Bluetooth speaker and some Vince Gill. Nothing. She just kept humming and pointing toward the sun.”

New “eco-cremation” protocols are now being tested, which include placing decedents under a pop-up canopy and letting the Tennessee sun do what it does best—slow-roast everything in sight. While not yet legally recognized, Polk says it’s “basically nature’s retort, just slower and with more cicadas.”

Local families are reportedly understanding. “Pawpaw loved two things: country ham and the Volunteer State,” said Madison County resident Elaine Trotter. “Honestly, getting slow-cooked outside behind a church feels kind of right.”

Meanwhile, OSHA has issued an official warning to crematory workers to avoid licking metal trays, standing on blacktop longer than 6 seconds, and emotionally bonding with the walk-in cooler.

At press time, Big Bertha had submitted a vacation request to relocate to Gatlinburg and “maybe just be a pizza oven for a bit.”