Funeral Home Launches ‘End of the World’ Preplan Campaign | FFFW 223
DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.”
Wow- we are officially past the first month of 2025. Kinda wild. Only eleven more months to go.
I have this really bad habit of trying to “get through” the years. But you know what’s wild? There’s always another one there just waiting for us. So, I’m trying to enjoy this one.
Days until the Chiefs win the Big Game: 9
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Asteroid Heading for Earth—Humanity Panics, Funeral Directors See Opportunity
The year is 2425, and Earth’s luck has finally run out. A mountain-sized asteroid, moving at ridiculous, civilization-ending speeds, is set to obliterate life as we know it. Governments have collapsed, billionaires have fled to Mars, and the rest of humanity is hoarding canned goods in underground bunkers.
But while the world spirals into chaos, funeral directors remain laser-focused—on pre-need sales.
“If society’s ending, you’d better believe we’re going out with record-breaking contracts,” said one funeral home owner, launching their ‘Impact-Proof Pre-Plan Special.’ “We can’t stop the asteroid, but we can make sure your arrangements are in order.”
Marketing campaigns are flooding the airwaves. “No Matter What Happens, Your Final Wishes Should Be Respected.” “Avoid the Last-Minute Rush—Pre-Plan Before Impact.” Even a BOGO deal: “Reserve One, Get a Second Burial Free (for a Friend, or Just in Case).”
As the asteroid looms larger in the sky, scientists warn of imminent planetary devastation. Funeral pros, however, remain calm. “Look, the asteroid might wipe out all of human civilization,” one director admitted. “But if there’s even one survivor, we want to be their funeral home of choice.”
No refunds, obviously.
Trivia
The Philadelphia Eagles have advanced to the NFL championship! So … how many bald eagles would it take to pick up a 500-pound casket?
Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.
Answer Choices:
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Wilson Funeral Home director honored for organ donor support
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
