SHOULD HEARSES HAVE ANTLERS? | FFFW #62
NOTE: I’m writing this early because I normally write it on Thursdays, and well, this Thursday was Thanksgiving. So, if any world-changing events have occurred in the past 48 hours, I apologize for appearing out of touch, but I’m going to write this as if it was a completely normal Thanksgiving and nothing dramatic happened. I will however predict and write as if there’s a light-hearted viral video that everyone’s talking about.
THANKSGIVING WRAP UP
Wow, what a Thanksgiving! Just so normal and uneventful! Hey, did you also see that one viral video? You know the one, right? That was so funny, my mom kept bringing it up! Well, now that Thanksgiving is over and went completely normal, we can get ready for Christmas! So strap in and get ready for a couple of surprises (unlike yesterday) as we go through this Black Friday together!
Fridays left before Christmas: 4
Let’s go!
GAME TIME!
If you bought everything from the 12 days of Christmas song, it would cost _____.
a) $170,298.03
b) $280,739.46
c) $729,648.84
100,000 WHAT?
100,000 of anything is a lot.
- 100,000 seconds is equal to 27.7 hours.
- 100,000 days is equal to 273.9 years.
- 100,000 miles is equal to the length of the USA (coast to coast) 33 times over.
So, that’s why it’s awesome when we tell you that Parting Pro’s funeral homes have had over 100,000 families use their online arranger. That’s proof that it works, and it works well! They have a mission to skyrocket your cremation business without forcing you to hire any new employees. See for yourself how Parting Pro can work for you!
“The biggest innovation in deathcare in the past decade or two.”
HEALTH FOR FUNERAL DIRECTORS
Since yesterday was just the most average Thanksgiving of all time, I’m sure you’re feeling a little stuffed today. Now, as funeral professionals, you need to be on your A-game. So I scoured the internet to find the best workouts that you can do to burn the maximum amount of calories with cutting-edge movement!
BILLY BLANKS TAE BO
Billy Blanks is not just an insulting name to a guy who freezes on trivia night, but it’s also the name of a workout legend. If you watch this video you don’t even have to move a muscle. His motivational speeches throughout the workout will be enough to increase your heart rate and break into the best of sweats. Legend has it, his leotard is sewn into his own skin.
KNIT KICKS
Mrs.Susan spent years mastering her physique in the Tibetan wilderness. Now she has graced modern society with the ways of the wild. Now, this may appear simple at first, but don’t be fooled. Her finger movement alone is burning 584.3 calories per second. Don’t try this if you’re a beginner.
SMOOTH MOVES
This may look like a dude vibing to music and having fun. Don’t be deceived, this is actually the workout routine that prepared Arnold Schwarzenegger for his life of bodybuilding. This regiment does come with side effects including an “increase in being admired,” “requests for adoption,” and “a true feeling that you’re better than everyone else.”
There you go, which way are you choosing to burn that turkey?
COMIC OF THE WEEK
Should hearses wear antlers?
YOU OTTER BE PROUD
Let’s be honest, our profession gets a lot of negative press, so we’ve searched the internet to find stories of funeral things getting respect, and doing great things!
1) Pearl funeral home hosts first car show to raise money for violence prevention
2) Greenville funeral home helps set up scholarship fund for addiction recovery
3) Community helps Black veterans cemetery
