Worst Hotel for Funeral Directors | FFFW #50

NOTE FROM THE WRITER

Last week, you may or may not have noticed that there was not an FFFW. In the almost past year, we’ve only missed one other time and that was for a holiday. However, last week I lost my grandfather before I could write the latest issue. I have been very open here that my experience in the funeral space has taken place on the business and marketing side of things. Until last Thursday, I had never been in an office to plan a funeral. I say all this because I now have a deeper appreciation for the work you all do day-in and day-out. It was a great relief to my family that the funeral home took care of so much and allowed us to just focus on grieving our dearly loved family member. So, I say this to thank you. You all are rock stars.

Now, all that being said, having fun, playing games, and looking at funny GIFs has been a big part of the healing process for me. So, we’re going to get that going right here on the FFFW. Also- we’re 50 weeks old! That’s almost a year! To quote every 12-year-old playing Fortnite- LET’S GO! Here’s to many more celebrations like this!

GAME TIME!

How much does it cost to buy the world’s most expensive casket?
a) $40,000
b) $50,000
c) $60,000

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WORST HOTEL REVIEWS FOR YOUR NEEDED VACATION

This week, we ran an article talking about how funeral professionals need a vacation. So, if you’re going to get the vacation going, you may need a place to stay. So, I went on Yelp, found the lowest-rated hotels in tourist cities, and found the funniest and scariest reviews. So, maybe don’t stay at these places.

1) From Orlando

“No. Nope. I would rather sleep in my car than stay here again.

This place is shady-looking, especially after dark. There were mysterious blood-like stains on the elevator buttons. The walls were so thin I got to hear the couple arguing (and they weren’t even yelling) from next door…at 2 in the morning. The mattress felt like plastic, and the vibe of the room seemed very prison-like.

After the sun went down, I wondered about my rental car parked out front, so I looked through the peephole. Odd, why is there a breeze blowing on my eye? Wait, there was no peephole… IT WAS JUST A HOLE IN THE DOOR! Mortified, I quickly stuffed a napkin in the hole so no one could see in.”

2) From the Outer Banks

“Run, don’t walk, away from this “inn.”

When I was settling down to go to bed, I noticed the sheets were stained and dirty. My husband called the front desk to ask for more sheets. “For what?” was the reply.

“Uh…the sheets on the bed are dirty and we’d like clean ones,” my husband explained.

“Ok. Come to the front desk and get some.” *insert confused look by my husband and I*

After changing the sheets, I sat down on the edge of the bed and immediately got soaked. It wasn’t just a stain on the sheets, but the MATTRESS WAS WET. After another complaint to the front desk, my husband met the “manager” at the housekeeping station below our room (more on that in a minute). The manager offered us a mattress pad and more sheets. As the Inn was booked to capacity, we could not get another room. So, I slept on a wet mattress with a mattress pad and several sheets. So gross.

The shower situation is dismal. If you can get over the hair (not yours) and mold first. Like I stated earlier, there is a housekeeping station below our room. On the off chance they are actually washing the sheets and towels during your shower, the room will have no hot water and the drizzle that comes out of the shower head will be freezing.

After my husband left a negative review on Expedia, the front desk left us a voicemail. They stated that they would have given us a refund had we checked out immediately. But “since we stayed, we must have been satisfied.” ”

3) Virginia Beach

“While waiting in the car in a tiny parking deck for hubby to check-in, we heard a woman standing in the doorway cursing loudly and threatening to “beat a ***********.”

It turns out she’s an employee who had been asked to clean more than her share of rooms today.

When hubby returned, I asked, “how do you get into the hotel?” *points* right there between those two dumpsters is the entrance.

The room is spacious, and the view is amazing—dirty Q Tip in the middle of the living room floor. Sofa ripped. Sand on the desk and dresser. Black hair on the inside of the bedspread. Soap scum I couldn’t scrub off in the jacuzzi tub. I wouldn’t let my dogs swim in that pool.”

NOTE: These reviews were edited not to be as gross as initially written and a little more family-friendly. That’s right; somehow the reviews are actually worse than you just read.

So, the lesson is, before you take your vacation- do a little research. If not, you might be better off taking 2 AM calls.