Funeral Director Puts Out Decorative Pumpkins Before Last Firework Smoke Clears

Welp, 4th of July is over, which means it’s officially fall! Yep, and I’ll do one better- I think it’s almost Christmas. That’s right. It’s a yearly thing for that, once the last bit of firework smoke has settled, I start craving a little bit of that Bing Crosby music to get a little mood boost. Then, when picking out clothes, I glance at my coats and jackets just a little longer than I probably should, considering that it’s at least 90 degrees outside. Now, Christmas is still far away- but it’s never too early to start counting down. So, today we’re relaunching the FFFW HOLIDAY COUNTDOWN!!!

So, we’re counting down the Fridays to Shark Week, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!

FRIDAYS UNTIL:
SHARK WEEK – 1
HALLOWEEN – 16
THANKSGIVING – 19
CHRISTMAS – 23

LET’S GO!!!!!!

“Where’s the mic?”

It’s a surprisingly common question that seldom gets asked until just before the service, but it’s a big one. When you’re livestreaming for a family, clean, clear audio is critical.

The mic’s not in its drawer with the cable. Did we leave it at the church last week? Did we loan it to the Legion?

It isn’t a major problem, until you’re asking yourself these questions 30 minutes before the service begins.

Many funeral homes handle this in stride with a dedicated livestreaming kit. Keeping everything together in a purpose-built case, where everything has its place, keeps setup and streaming simple and worry-free, no matter how busy you are.

A dedicated streaming kit doesn’t just save time, it makes it easy to reliably deliver premium quality experiences for family members and guests every time you livestream a service.

What should every portable streaming kit have? How does yours compare?

Check out this week’s streaming tip for a close-up look and best practices: https://foveo.org/tips

Springfield, Indiana — Declaring that “summer has had enough opportunities,” local funeral director Gary Whitmore reportedly began decorating his funeral home for fall approximately six hours after the neighborhood’s final Fourth of July fireworks display.

Witnesses say Gary arrived before sunrise carrying eight pumpkins, three hay bales, two artificial maple trees, and what employees described as “an alarming amount of plaid.”

By 8:15 a.m., every American flag had been replaced with a wreath containing miniature gourds.

The lobby television, which had displayed fireworks highlights the night before, now featured a ten-hour YouTube video of rain falling in a Vermont cabin.

“He looked me dead in the eyes and asked if I had my ‘autumn tie’ ready,” said funeral assistant Mark Reynolds. “I was still finding bottle rockets in my driveway.”

Employees attempted to remind Gary that it was 94 degrees outside.

Gary responded by opening a bag of candy corn.

“He said the weather is a mindset,” said receptionist Linda Brooks. “Then he made us drink hot apple cider on the patio. Someone nearly passed out.”

The transformation reportedly continued throughout the morning.

The coffee station now offered pumpkin spice creamer, cinnamon sticks, and a handwritten sign reading, “No More Lemonade Until Further Notice.”

One arrangement family was briefly confused after Gary greeted them by saying, “Happy almost Thanksgiving.”

By lunchtime, staff members discovered he had quietly changed the funeral home’s hold music to instrumental banjo versions of harvest hymns and was pricing decorative cornstalks online “before the good ones are gone.”

At press time, Gary was reportedly standing outside the building with a leaf blower, attempting to create enough artificial fall atmosphere to justify wearing his flannel.

ASK THE FUNERAL DUDE

Hey Funeral Dude, is there a dignified way to eat the last donut if everyone watched me look at it first? – Mr. Glazed

Mr. Glazed, the moment everyone sees you look at the last donut, it no longer belongs to you. It enters a brief period of public observation.

You now have three dignified options:

Take it immediately. Confidence suggests purpose.
Cut it in half. This creates the illusion of generosity while still getting donut.
Wait exactly 90 seconds. If no one moves, the profession has spoken.

What you must never do is ask, “Is anybody gonna eat this?” Everyone will politely say no while silently hoping you don’t. That’s not dignity. That’s psychological warfare.