12 Days of Funeral Christmas | FFFW 217
DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
Y’all! It’s the last Friday before Christmas! I couldn’t be happier about it. See, I’m a firm believer that the world needs Christmas. In a practical sense- much of our economy revolves around it, and from a spiritual sense, I think it’s great that once a year, we’re reminded of hope, love, and charity.
In the Chronicles of Narnia series, author C.S. Lewis describes the fallen wicked world of Narnia. He could have used a thousand different images to depict a broken, fallen world, but the one he settled on was “always winter, never Christmas.” What a sad world that would be.
Christmas is a spark of warmth and joy during the cold turning month of December. The mission of the FFFW has an inherent Christmasesque leaning to it. I aim to provide joy and laughter once a week to a profession that is often stiff and heavy.
So yeah, I’m stoked. The next time I see you, it will be 2025, and we’ll enter the next quarter century. So, I wanna send you off in the best way I know how: GIFs and funeral parodies.
Days until Christmas: 5
Days until New Years: 12
Days until Chiefs win the Big Game: 51
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12 Days of Christmas (Funeral Edition)
On the first day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: A brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the second day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the third day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the fourth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the fifth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the sixth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the seventh day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the eighth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Eight plots preparing, Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the ninth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Nine florists arranging, Eight plots preparing, Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the tenth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Ten hearses lining, Nine florists arranging, Eight plots preparing, Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Eleven directors meeting, Ten hearses lining, Nine florists arranging, Eight plots preparing, Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the funeral biz gave to me: Twelve mourners mourning, Eleven directors meeting, Ten hearses lining, Nine florists arranging, Eight plots preparing, Seven eulogies drafting, Six pallbearers lifting, Five golden urns! Four calling ministers, Three fitted suits, Two grieving families, And a brand-new shiny hearse key.
Trivia
Which famous celebrity had a funeral procession on Christmas?
Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.
Answer Choices:
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Meet Your Neighbor: Scott Berry is a funeral director, active community member who enjoys helping others
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
