Funeral Fast Foods | FFFW 192 | Connecting Directors

DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.

The first weekend of June has to be one of the best weekends. Why? Because June is one of the best months and things are better and cooler when they’re first. So, basic logic will tell you that this is a great weekend. Hope you can get outside and enjoy the summer weather.

Also, it’s National Oklahoma Day. So, shout out to our Sooner readers.

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Top 5 Fast Food Picks for Funeral Directors

Being a funeral director means long hours and needing quick, reliable fuel. Here’s our fun ranking of the best fast food options, judged by how much regret you’ll feel, how messy they are, and how late they stay open.

1. Chick-fil-A

Regret Level: Low

Messiness: Minimal

Hours: Open late (except Sundays)

Why it tops the list: Chick-fil-A is the golden standard for fast food with minimal regret. Their chicken sandwiches are delicious and not overly greasy. The waffle fries are perfect for one-handed munching, and who can say no to a milkshake that feels like a hug in a cup? Just remember, they take Sundays off.

2. Subway

Regret Level: Low

Messiness: Toppings can get tricky

Hours: Open late

Customizable subs mean you can go heavy on the veggies and light on the guilt. A well-wrapped sub is your best friend during a busy shift, keeping things mostly tidy. Plus, with their endless topping choices, every sandwich is a new adventure!

3. Taco Bell

Regret Level: Moderate

Messiness: Taco juggling required

Hours: Open very late

When it’s late and you’re craving something bold, Taco Bell is there for you. The Crunchwrap Supreme is like a hug wrapped in a tortilla—tidy and tasty. Just be prepared for a bit of taco shrapnel if you go for the crunchy options.

4. McDonald’s

Regret Level: Moderate

Messiness: Minimal

Hours: Open 24/7

The ever-reliable Mickey D’s is perfect for when you need something fast and familiar. A McChicken or cheeseburger is easy to handle and satisfying. And those fries? Pure gold. It’s not gourmet, but it’s always there for you, day or night.

5. Wendy’s

Regret Level: Moderate

Messiness: Minimal

Hours: Open late

Wendy’s is the dark horse of fast food. Their salads are surprisingly fresh, and their burgers hit the spot without hitting your shirt. Don’t forget to grab a Frosty because a little chocolate therapy never hurt anyone.