Urns in the Grand Canyon? | FFFW | Connecting Directors

DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.

Y’all, it’s my birthday weekend. Not only that, but it’s also issue #191 of the FFFW. As we all know, I love palindromes. And 191 is a palindromic number. So that means we’re going to party. As I’m writing this, it’s 75 and sunny, and I’m having a blast — I hope you are, too. If not, here’s a little something to help you get started!

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OPINION: Keep Funerals a One-Time Thing

I’m at that point in life where all my friends are getting married and popping out babies. And you know what I’m realizing? People just love having events for events. Weddings now come with engagement parties, bridal showers, and wedding showers (co-ed, because why not?). My buddy’s having a kid, and I’ve been invited to a gender reveal, a baby shower, a diaper party, and, of course, the first birthday bash.

And you know what? I’m fine with it. I’ve mastered the art of saying, “Hey, my apologies, but I’ll be busy that day.” It’s a talent. But please, for the love of all things sane, let’s not add anything else to the mix.

So here’s the deal…

I get it. It’s hip and trendy to call funerals “life celebrations” now. And people love comparing funerals to weddings. But I’m asking—no, I’m begging—please, let’s not add any more events.

I’m cool with a visitation, a funeral, and a graveside service. But if I ever get asked to attend a casket reveal, I’m gonna lose it.

“Hey, I know the funeral is this weekend, but we thought doing a farewell shower would be fun. Can you bring a side dish?”

“Nope. Here’s a gift card. Enjoy.”

Consider this my official warning—don’t invite me to your funeral party. I’ll have something else going on that day, like reorganizing my sock drawer or washing my hair.