How Much Does Arlington Cemetery Weigh? | FFFW 187

DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.

Happy National Shrimp Day! Here’s a little shrimp joke for you!

Why don’t shrimp share their treasure?

Because they’re a little shellfish!

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Green to the Extreme: The New Wave of Eco-Friendly Funerals

In our eco-conscious world, the green wave has inevitably reached funerals. Enter the “Hyper-Eco Funeral Experience,” spearheaded by the startup EcoLast. They promise the ultimate sustainable send-off with their “Decompose with Grace” package, featuring a coffin made from recycled paper mache that—unfortunately—begins to dissolve a bit too promptly due to an oversight in durability testing.

At these services, mourners aren’t just passive attendees; they’re literal power sources. The back of the chapel is lined with stationary bikes connected to generators. Guests are encouraged to pedal away to power the ceremony, blending grief with a dash of a gym session. It’s an odd sight: mourners in black attire cycling fervently as they remember their loved ones.

Even the flowers adhere to strict eco standards, with bouquets of locally sourced weeds and dandelions artfully arranged in repurposed yogurt containers. The traditional funeral procession has been swapped for a “sustainable march” to the burial site, with the coffin wheeled on a bamboo cart. It’s part funeral, part environmental statement.

The burial itself continues the theme. Instead of a permanent gravestone, a compostable marker is used, often spirited away by local wildlife, integrating the deceased’s memory into the ecosystem literally. It’s a poetic, if slightly impractical, notion that challenges conventional memorial practices.

Despite mixed reactions—some find the intense physical activity during a eulogy inappropriate, while others chase after wind-blown biodegradable urns—the proponents of eco-funerals remain steadfast. Their philosophy is clear: if we live our lives striving to reduce our environmental impact, our final departure should reflect the same values. This trend might raise eyebrows now, but as sustainability becomes increasingly mainstream, these green goodbyes could become the norm for commemorating a well-lived life.