New Funeral Blockbuster??? | FFFW 139

DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the satire.

knock knock
Who’s there?

Casket
Casket who?

knock knock
Who’s there?

Casket
Casket who?

knock knock
Who’s there?

Urn

Urn????

Urn’cha glad I didn’t say casket?!

What’s better than a 25 bps increase in growth on your preneed block? A 30 bps increase! Homesteaders is excited to announce one of the industry’s highest growth rate increases – an average of 30 bps on all new business, beginning March 15. Learn more.

Summer Blockbusters That Would Be Interesting From a Funeral Director’s POV

As humans, we love movies where lots of people die, or where the world is turned upside down. Films often show this through the lens of warriors and renegades, but never through the perspective of a funeral director. So, that riases the question- how would a funeral home operate during world-bending events? So here’s the the movies I want to see-

Note: Don’t view these as sequels or anything. Think “The Lion King 1½.” This movie retold the whole story of the lion king but from the perspective and with a focus on two of the side characters.

1) Avengers: End Game

How many people held services for the “snapped” ones that they lost? Were funeral homes just busting at the seems for a couple years? People know aliens exist in the marvel universe, so is there a shipping plan between worlds? I need to know.

2) Men In Black

Once again- aliens. Do they also go to a certain funeral home that’s ran by an alien? Do funeral directors get mind-blasted every time they embalm an alien? Can aliens even be embalmed? So many questions that could be answered by one cinematic masterpiece.

3) Toy Story

Now hear me out. The toys in Toy Story are immortal. . . kinda. They can never die of old age, but they can get melted and cease to exist. So one, I have some theological questions. But two, I’m curious to know this- if there was a funeral director action figure, would he bear the responsibility for taking care of the gruesome remains of his plastic friends? What does that look like? What’s a toy funeral?

I gotta know. Pixar- make this happen.