DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the satire.
Happy birthday to Krispy Kreme! Even at 86 years old, Lil K is still looking like a snack.
Actually they’re giving away free donuts today- so you should hop on that!
Homesteaders Makes it Rain?
What’s better than a 25 bps increase in growth on your preneed block? A 30 bps increase! Homesteaders is excited to announce one of the industry’s highest growth rate increases – an average of 30 bps on all new business, beginning March 15. Learn more.
Funeral Director Speaks Out About “Grimace Shake Challenge”
“I mean it’s absolutely terrible what’s happening to these kids. They think they’re getting a sweet snack and then next thing you know- that monster has done unthinkable things to their physical condition.”
That was a quote from Bill Wilkers from Wilkers Family Funeral Home. He is one of many funeral directors that has had to perform services for victims of the latest TikTok trend.
“I mean the trauma for me is heavy. When I go to sleep I see purple, when I wake up I see purple. I don’t care if I ever see that cursed color again. It haunts me.”
Along with Bill, Sharron, a local trauma cleaner is speaking up.
“People don’t understand how hard it is to clean the stains. Oh, the stains I tell you. They don’t clean themselves. It takes so long- I’m losing money on these visits. EVERY TIME!”
Though the challenge has created an up-tik in call volume for both companies, their message is very clear-
“I want to see this end, and I want that Grimace monster to receive justice for the atrocities he’s brought upon our youth.” – Bill Wilkers
Officials are now inviting community members to explore counseling, therapy, and group sessions to help mend the chaos caused by the purple drink massacre.
(If this article made zero sense to you- read this)
A Thing
The search term “funeral” is most popular in the Dakotas, according to Google Trends.
You Otter Be Proud
- Watch Kevin O’Leary’s Heartfelt Message to Death Care Professionals
- Little Rock funeral home continues to serve others with the help of the community
- ‘They are not forgotten’: Upkeeping Louisville’s Eastern Cemetery
