Fatal Typing Error Causes Disaster | FFFW 264

Hey guys! It feels like it’s been 1000 days since Christmas, right? How does that work? Time is a wild thing. And speaking of time- I don’t want to take up too much of yours. So we’re diving right into this new issue of the FFFW!

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Funeral Home Removes The Number 5 from Office Computers. The New Year is Here.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: This story involves a character named Tom. IF you are familiar with “I Think You Should Leave” by Tim Robinson, then I invite you to read his quotes in Tim’s voice and tone. It just makes it better.

Seresota, Florida – On January 1st, Nancy Shellback of Remembrance Funeral Homes made a fatal error while typing out an email for upcoming meetings, she put “2025” instead of “2026.”

“It was an honest mistake; it happens to the best of us.”

However, not everyone was so understanding. Tom, the Pre-Arrangement Manager, had some heavy opinions about the typing mishap.

“What does she want me to do, time travel? She wants me to go back in time to January 11 of LAST YEAR? Well guess what- TIME TRAVEL DOESN’T EXIST. TRUST ME. I’VE TRIED.”

Drastic measures were taken by Tom to mitigate any duplicate errors moving forward. He decided to remove the “5” keypad from any and all work computers.

“If I could go back to 2025, I would. Oh yeah, I’d go back yesterday. And I would do a lot of things differently. I’d be a more self-controlled, even-keeled man to ex-fiance. BUT I CAN’T. NOBODY CAN. IT’S NOT JUST A ME THING.”

Removing the number may have cause more problems than it’s solved. Nancy further expressed her concerns.

“Do you realize how many times a day that number is used on the clock? Do you know how many dates a year have that number in it? I don’t know how we’re gonna schedule anything effectively.”

Tom seems to feel justified in his decision:

“WELL do you know how many times I’d be reminded how bad I royaly screwed up my life in the past 365 days if we keep on typing the wrong year? DATES MATTER. SHE RESPECTED ME. I WAS GONNA HAVE 3 KIDS WITH HER. AND NOW THAT’S ALL GONE.”

The funeral owner is currently seeking help and alternative employment opportunities for his dear friend and employee, Tom.

Unfortunately for Tom, new keyboards have been ordered and will be in the office next week.

Ask the Funeral Dude!

Question:
“Hey, I’m a mortuary student finishing my last semester. Any advice on landing a good first job.”

— Mr.Eager

Answer:
I’m excited that you are about to enter the funeral profession. I remember when I was your age, I had just bought my trusty black tie and was working on the perfect Double Windsor to really impress in my interview. What a day!

So, here are my 3 tips for nailing that interview:
1) be dignified. Make that the mantra you repeat as you wake up and stare yourself in the mirror “my name is ____, and I am successful, and creative, but all in a dignified manner.” Dignity is the most important quality and should be used to filter all future decisions you make as funeral professional. It should also be the cornerstone of your marketing.

2) Really nail that double Windsor knot. A well-tied tie will dazzle every interviewer worth their salt. Send me a picture and I’ll give you feedback.

3) Don’t be too excited when you talk about embalming. I know as a young funeral professional you probably have formalahyde flowing through your veins. I still remember those beautiful days in my education when I first got to use embalming equipment. The mere thought of cadavers used to tantalate my nervous system and give me the biggest rush. But, you can be too enthusiastic about the topic in the setting of an interview. So express interest but not too much excitement about working with the bodies (but keep your spirit alive in your heart).

Follow these, and you’ll be sure to nail that interview and show how dignified you are.