Surge Priced Funerals? | FFFW 246
Welcome back to August! We have a full week of August under our belt and I’m feeling great about the rest. So far the weather has cooled down a bit and the vibes are giving “end of summer chill” in the best way possible.
Let’s keep the energy going and kick off the weekend with this weeks’ FFFW!
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Funeral Home Adds ‘Surge Pricing’ After Discovering It’s Exactly What Airlines Do
“We’re just following industry leaders,” says director.
In a bold move inspired by the airline industry, Willow & Sons Funeral Home has introduced surge pricing for services—meaning families may now pay more if their loved one inconveniently dies during peak hours.
“Let’s be real, Saturdays are slammed,” explained funeral director Rob Willow. “If your Uncle Gary passes at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday in February, congrats, that’s economy pricing. But if he drops on Christmas Eve? Yeah… that’s first-class rates.”
Families have reported confusion over the new ‘Time of Death Pricing Matrix,’ which breaks down costs into “Off-Peak,” “Standard,” and “Super Surge.”
One customer said she was charged an extra $400 because her father’s death occurred “in the middle of March Madness overtime.”
The funeral home has also rolled out “funeral miles”—a loyalty program allowing families to earn points toward their next service.
“After three, you get a free urn cleaning,” Willow confirmed. “We thought about offering free cremations, but the margins aren’t there.”
Critics call the policy “crass” and “a blatant cash grab,” but Willow is unfazed.
“Listen, Uber made billions on this exact model. We’re just doing it with fewer cars and way more flowers.”
Trivia
Choose the correct answer and you’ll see a puppy. Get it wrong and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.
In 2015, a Swedish company began offering a coffin made almost entirely out of ___________.
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- This Milford nonprofit helps families with high funeral costs
- People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
