New Year Goals For Funeral Directors | FFFW 218

DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.

Happy New Year!

Just like that- we’ve made it a quarter century into the 2000s! Another trip around the sun, and once again, the world is new! Right?

NOPE.

Look outside- does anything look new? Nah. January is when everything looks dead and cold. And according to ChatGPT, pre-1582, the new year was celebrated on March 25. That makes sense to me- it’s spring, life is blooming, and greenery is arising. But I don’t think I’ll be able to convince people to go back 400 years on this one (even though I think we should).

So, let’s make the most of it and make the most of 2025!

Days until the Chiefs win the Big Game: 38

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New Year’s Resolutions for Funeral Directors: 2025 Edition

Cut Down on Casket-Related Impulse Buys
No more buying Etsy casket T-shirts. Just stop shopping on Etsy in general.
Finally, Use the Break Room Keurig
It’s been there for three years. It deserves a chance.
Reclaim the Lost Hour of Every Family Conference
Develop a firm-yet-loving way to steer Uncle Bob’s 45-minute tangents about his glory days in 1974.
Master the Elusive ‘Mildly Sympathetic Nod’
Perfect that balance between “I care deeply” and “I’ve heard this story before.”
Stop Calling the Prep Room a ‘Spa for the Deceased’
It confuses the interns and horrifies the funeral directors’ conference keynote speaker.
Learn How to Use TikTok Without Looking Like a Middle-School Substitute Teacher
Pro tip: pointing at floating words is out. Funeral memes? Always in.
Learn a more convincing laugh when people say “It’s to Die For”
We know it’s not funny- but you really got to try to let people have it.

Trivia

Which historical figure’s body was briefly stolen by grave robbers?

Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.

Answer Choices: