Ultimate Gift Guide for Funeral Directors | FFFW 215
DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
It’s officially December fam. As you know, December is a BIG month for those of us at the FFFW. See, our goal is to create a weekly escape into a world of joy, laughter, and good news… and once a year, we get a whole month to do that.
Days until Christmas: 19
Days until New Year’s: 26
Days until Chiefs win the Big Game: 65
Introducing The Memo by MemoryShare
MemoryShare, the #1 Live Streaming software for funeral homes, has announced a new monthly newsletter.
“The Memo” is for funeral directors to stay updated on the latest tools, pro-tips, video tricks, and technology op-eds in the funeral profession. Subscribers will get exclusive access to early offers, discounts, and feature releases.
To subscribe to The Memo, click the button below. The first 20 subscribers will receive a mystery gift!
The Ultimate Gift Guide for Funeral Directors: 7 Thoughtful Picks to Die For
1. Personalized “Do Not Disturb” Door Sign
Perfect for when you’re deep into paperwork or need a quiet moment to yourself. Options include classy phrases like, “Preparing to Meet the Deadlines” or the more direct “Leave or Grieve.”
2. A Pocket-Sized Euphemism Dictionary
For those awkward moments when a family insists on “gentle language” but you’ve run out of synonyms for “died.” From “joined the choir invisible” to “bought the farm,” this handy guide has you covered.
3. Portable Espresso Machine
Funeral directors live on caffeine, but crematory coffee just doesn’t cut it. Brew a double shot on the go—ideal for early graveside services or marathon arrangement days.
4. Noise-Canceling Headphones for Arrangement Conferences
For when the “extended family” shows up with 500 suggestions about the obituary. Slip these on and smile as you nod—no one will know you’re actually listening to whale sounds.
5. “It’s Not My Funeral” Desk Plate
When people assume you’re responsible for everything—from the weather at the burial to Uncle Joe’s inappropriate toast—this plate says it all. Bonus: it doubles as a paperweight for all those forms.
6. Reversible Black and Gray Tie
For the funeral director on the move, this reversible tie lets you seamlessly switch from a formal chapel service to a more casual graveside gathering. Business on one side, slightly different business on the other.
Trivia
What is the origin of the phrase “Saved by the Bell”?
Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.
Answer Choices:
A) A Victorian-era practice of installing bells in coffins to prevent premature burial.
B) The tolling of a church bell to mark the end of a mourning period.
C) An old funeral tradition where pallbearers rang a handbell during processions.
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Funeral home, Detroit deli helping after boy killed in crash
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
