A Funeral Festivus | FFFW #117

ENJOY Friday Funeral Fast Wrap Funeral Industry News December 23, 2022

A Funeral Festivus | FFFW #117

Hope you all are staying warm today!

Happy Festivus! That’s right; it’s the 23rd of December which means it’s time to remember the holiday that Seinfeld brought to the forefront. The day where we air our grievances and prove our strength.

But wait, this is also our Christmas special where FFF stands for Festive, Festive, Festive, and the W is silent!

So yeah, this is a big issue for us, and we want to kick off your holiday weekend the right way!

Fridays till Christmas: 0



“I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about it!” – Frank Costanza

Here are five problems I have with the funeral profession.

1) Every grief dog is a doodle.

I’m over it, I know they’re hypoallergenic, but they’ve become stock-model pooches. I want to see some diversity in grief dogs; give me a dalmatian, a wiener dog, or anything but another doodle.

2) Nobody offers coffins.

Caskets are cool and all, but I want a Dracula-style coffin option. It’s cool, it frames the body well, and I like it.

3) A lot of urns look like vases.

It’s just the truth.

4) Less people live in funeral homes.

I mean, I don’t want to live in a funeral home either, but I say commit to it. It’s tradition, and it creates great stories.

5) I’ve never seen a grief otter.

As y’all know, I love otters, and I think they’re a great candidate for a grief pet. But y’all probably will only ever have one if it’s bred as an “otterdoodle” and look identical to the otterdoodle down the road.

You Otter Be Proud

1) Milwaukee funeral home hosts toy giveaway for families in need of assistance
2) Coleman Funeral Home Helps Preserve Memories With Christmas Ornaments
3) Area Funeral Home Offers First Responders Peace of Mind