Your Wallpaper is Too Old | FFFW #85 (The ’80s Summer)

ENJOY Friday Funeral Fast Wrap Funeral Industry News May 6, 2022

Your Wallpaper is Too Old | FFFW #85 (The ’80s Summer)

Would you look at that! It’s the first week of May AND we’re five issues deep into the ’80s. Wow, time flies by. That means today we’re bringing back the yacht rock, men’s short jorts, and other stuff from Stranger Things 3. That’s right, today it’s the ‘80s Summer Edition of the FFFW!

Is it a Bird? A Plane? No, it’s a Funeral Director Doing a 2 am Removal!

Funeral directors are heroes to the families they serve every day. 
Online arrangements from Parting Pro are just one more tool to help unleash your inner superpowers!

NOTE: Flying fish were not harmed or treated unfairly in making this GIF. They were very well compensated.

What Your Wallpaper Says About You

I’ll be honest, a lot of funeral homes have very outdated wallpaper. And, most of the time it bothers me. But, today I love it. Because there’s nothing more ‘80s than wallpaper that hasn’t been updated since the ‘80s.

So, this is a celebration of the best patterns that are 40 years old now.

NOTE: If you see your funeral home’s wallpaper in this – don’t be offended just buy some paint.

The Classic Flower Pattern.

When people see this, they know that your funeral home is the caring kind. You probably don’t get as many calls as your competitor but you don’t care. It’s all about the people. Now, I will say your receptionist is too old. People can’t understand her on the phone and honestly, she lost her hearing a long time ago. But, she was there when the wallpaper went up, and she plans on seeing that wallpaper from her casket someday.

The Fancy Print

We get it you know what you’re doing. A fourth-generation funeral director runs the funeral home. You get the most calls in your county and bought out the competition a while ago. Those are all great pros, but you do have a couple of things working against you.

1) You keep the heat cranked up. It’s too hot. Cool off a little bit.
2) You only ever keep mints by the doorway. And not the good kind. They’re stale and need to be replaced- would it kill you to try some Jolly Ranchers? You can do better.

Striped Pattern

Ha, you had us fooled. You made us think this wallpaper was from the ‘80s but it’s not. You’re a young-owned funeral home that’s going for a retro feel. You don’t care what haters like me say, you think your wallpaper is cute and quirky. The head funeral director at this funeral home went to mortuary school only because they wanted to embalm, then after taking photos of some dead birds they decided to learn how to run a business and handle funerals. Then this wallpaper was their final step in having the business of their dreams.

Comic of the Week

‘80s Baby.

You Otter Be Proud

Let’s be honest, our profession gets a lot of negative press, so we’ve searched the internet to find stories of funeral things getting respect, and doing great things!

1) Golden Considerations and KJPlanning partnership brings stability to a Michigan preneed market in flux 


3) Bucktrout Funeral Home: Nearly 300 Years of Being a Neighbor to Williamsburg