DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
Today, June 21st, is the longest day of the year. Here are some of the other “World’s longest.”
The world’s longest hearse: 23 feet
The world’s longest casket: 32.8 feet
The world’s longest-running funeral satire/light-hearted column: 194 issues … Wait that’s us!
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What Your Suit Says About You as a Funeral Director
Let’s face it: as a funeral director, your suit is more than just an outfit—it’s your armor, your statement piece, your daily uniform of dedication. But did you know your suit choice is saying more about you than you might think? Here are five types of suits and what they hilariously reveal about you.
The Classic Black Suit
What it says: “I’m the Batman of funeral directors. You need me, I’m there.”
You’re the traditionalist, the dependable rock. Your black suit screams reliability and professionalism. It’s the ultimate “I’ve got this” attire. Families see you and think, “This person knows what they’re doing.” You’re as solid as the oak casket in the showroom, and twice as reassuring.
The Navy Blue Suit
What it says: “I’m here to help you through this… and look pretty good doing it.”
Navy blue says you’re the approachable, modern one. You’re like the cool uncle who knows how to use Instagram but still sends handwritten thank-you notes. This suit tells families you’re professional yet personable. You’re serious about your work, but you know a little charm can go a long way in making a tough time a bit easier.
The Gray Suit
What it says: “Adaptable? That’s my middle name. Wait, let me check my business card.”
Gray suits are for the versatile among us. You can swing from traditional to unconventional services without breaking a sweat. You’re the funeral director equivalent of a Swiss Army knife—practical, reliable, and ready for anything. Families love your flexibility, and your suit shows you’re prepared for whatever comes your way.
The Pinstripe Suit
What it says: “I could run a board meeting at 10 and organize a funeral at noon. Let’s do this.”
You’re confident and a bit flashy. The pinstripe suit says you mean business and you’ve got a flair for detail. You’re the James Bond of funeral directors—smooth, precise, and always looking sharp. This suit says you’re ambitious and not afraid to stand out, even if it’s in a room full of mourners.
The Casual Suit
What it says: “Funeral director by day, laid-back legend by night.”
You’ve got a relaxed vibe, and your suit reflects it. You’re the guy who can relate to anyone, putting families at ease with your approachable demeanor. You might not always go by the book, but that’s because you’re writing your own. Your casual suit says, “Let’s get through this together, one relaxed, heartfelt moment at a time.”
Trivia
The average weight of a headstone is 200 lbs. How much does the average female flamingo weigh?
Click on the right answer, and you’ll see a puppy dog. Get it wrong, and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
- New Gregg County burial policy aims to help funeral homes
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
