DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
Is it just me or is this season FLYING by? Well, maybe thats a good thing, cause time goes by when you’re having fun. Personally I think time goes by when I hit my snooze. It really feels as if I close my eyes for 5 seconds and then the alarm goes off again.
So, maybe time do be going by all the time.
Days until Christmas: 12
Days until New Years: 19
Days until Chiefs win the Big Game: 58
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Bob the North Pole Funeral Director Elf: “It Ain’t All Jingle Bells, Kid”
In the land of constant cheer, there’s one elf whose job keeps him grounded—six feet under, to be exact. Meet Bob, the North Pole’s Funeral Director Elf. While his fellow elves are decking halls and building bikes, Bob’s handling the “final sendoff department.”
“Listen,” Bob says, leaning against his candy cane-striped hearse, “it ain’t all jingle bells and cocoa up here. Sometimes a reindeer eats the wrong berries, or Frosty gets a little too close to the fireplace. Someone’s gotta handle the messy stuff, ya know?”
Bob specializes in festive funerals, offering everything from “Candy Cane Caskets” to his signature “12 Days of Grieving Package.” But his real expertise? Handling unique North Pole clientele.
“Reindeer funerals? Forget about it. Big turnout, antlers everywhere, everyone’s bawlin’. Snowmen, though? Whole different vibe. You’re basically doin’ a puddle cleanup with a eulogy. But hey, I give ‘em both the respect they deserve. I’m a professional!”
While some elves think Bob’s work is a bit of a buzzkill, he brushes it off. “Kid, I ain’t here to make friends. I’m here to make sure when you go, you go out classy—with a little mistletoe flair.”
So, next time you’re thinking about the North Pole, remember Bob. He may not bring the cheer, but he sure knows how to bring the closure. ?
Trivia
Which Christmas carol is most commonly played at funeral services during the holiday season?
Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.
Answer Choices:
A) Silent Night
B) Ave Maria
C) O Holy Night
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Funeral home, Detroit deli helping after boy killed in crash
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
