DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
Hey welcome back to issue 2-0-8 of the FFFW! It’s October 11 and you know what that means- absolutely nothing! But, every day is a little special- right? So I searched through the internet to find some notable things happening new today:
1) National Sausage Pizza Day
2) The Draconid Meteor Shower
3) It’s the 50th anniversary of Elton John’s “Yellow Brick Road”
4) Monarch butterflies are in migration to Mexico
5) It’s Pet Obesity Awareness Day
So take the dog for a walk, look at some butterflies, and listen to a lil Elton John. We’re gonna have a good one today!
Excited for NFDA New Orleans this year? We are! The biggest show of the year is only a few weeks away and we can’t wait to see you at #NFDA2024!
We’re in Booth 1852 this year. Stop by to see how MemoryShare has simplified livestreaming and is transforming the way funeral homes reach more families. (Or just come grab a pair of socks— we’ll have those too.)
See you in New Orleans!
Funeral Homes in the Mushroom Kingdom Report ‘Super Mushrooms’ as Major Obstacle to Proper Death Certificates
Funeral homes across the Mushroom Kingdom are facing an unexpected crisis as the magical properties of Super Mushrooms wreak havoc on death certificates. The once-final farewell has become a temporary inconvenience, with deceased individuals springing back to life shortly after their time of death. “We’ll have everything set up—the casket, the flowers, the nice obituary—and then boom! They’re walking out of the embalming room as if nothing happened,” complained Toadsworth, a veteran funeral director. “It’s getting impossible to do my job when half my clients keep showing up for round two.”
The situation has left funeral professionals scrambling to manage the chaos, particularly with the challenge of filing accurate paperwork. “I can’t exactly put ‘briefly deceased’ on the death certificate,” Toadsworth added, shaking his head. Super Mushrooms, known for their life-restoring properties, have become a thorn in the side of morticians and funeral directors, turning traditional services into unpredictable, two-act affairs. Kingdom authorities have offered little help, dismissing the issue as part of the ‘magic’ of the Mushroom Kingdom. “We need regulations!” urged Koopa Mortis of Shell & Sons Funeral Home. “Either you’re dead, or you’re not. This in-between is killing us.”
In response, some funeral homes are adding ‘re-death’ clauses to their contracts, ensuring they still get paid when their customers return for a second go. “Honestly, it’s become a revenue stream,” Mortis admitted, though not without frustration. “We’re doing twice the work for the same clients, and it’s just exhausting. If this keeps up, we might as well just put in a revolving door.” Meanwhile, families are left wondering if their loved ones are truly at rest—or just waiting for their next resurrection.
Trivia
How many hearses would be needed to cover the entire surface of an NFL field?
(Click the correct answer, and you’ll get a video of a puppy. Click the wrong answer, and you’ll see dissapointed man.)
Answer Choices:
A) 100
B) 200
C) 400
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Why is it important to have a funeral director?
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
