Happy Friday, y’all! There are just a couple of days left of the Winter Olympics. And if you’re like me, you’re hooked. I’ve been looking into curling clubs, trying to figure out if I could ever bobsled, and mostly spending time trying to figure out whether or not it takes athletic ability to do the luge.
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Funeral Home Adds “Olympic Podium” to Lobby for “Employee Recognition”
North Ridge, Iowa — In a bold move that sources described as “inspiring for roughly twelve minutes,” Westfield Memorial Chapel unveiled a three-tier Olympic-style podium in the lobby this week, explaining it would be used to celebrate staff wins and “create a culture of excellence.”
It worked immediately. On Monday morning, the team gathered as owner Dale Westfield stood beside the podium in a suit that looked slightly too excited to be at work. The first honoree was the receptionist, who had successfully completed a full month of answering the phone without saying “hold please” in a tone that sounded like a personal cry for help. A small round of applause echoed off the lobby furniture, Dale snapped a photo for the internal newsletter, and someone even asked if there was going to be a theme song. “This is about dignity,” Dale said, placing a hand on the top step like it was a monument. “We’re not just doing jobs here. We’re chasing greatness.”
By Tuesday afternoon, the podium had begun its transition into what it was always destined to become: a flat surface. A stack of unopened urn catalogs appeared first, followed by two boxes labeled “misc ribbons,” and then a plastic tote that nobody could identify but nobody wanted to claim. By the end of the week, the gold step was supporting a leaning tower of printer paper and a display sign that read WELCOME FAMILIES in a font last seen in 2006. “It’s still recognition,” said one employee, gesturing toward the growing pile. “Those boxes are being recognized for their ability to exist in the lobby and never be moved.”
Dale, however, remains optimistic, insisting the podium is “part of an ongoing initiative” and not “a weird phase from watching sports.” He has already emailed staff to announce the next ceremony will happen “soon,” once everyone stops using the podium as a holding zone for things they swear they’ll file later. As of press time, the bronze step has been officially renamed “temporary storage,” the silver step is “also temporary storage,” and the gold step is simply “the place where the catalog you need definitely is not.”
Ask the Funeral Dude!
Question:
Hey Funeral Dude, my boss keeps calling every change “a new era.” It’s usually just a new spreadsheet. How do I cope? – Ms.OverIt
Answer:
Ms.OverIt,
I understand this frustration. Minor changes in a meeting get hyped up as “exciting new operations” and a new scheduling software gets introduced as an “innovative new way of life.” We all do.
What you really need to do is treat your boss like a motivational poster that somehow gained the ability to send calendar invites. Nod respectfully. Let him have his little era. Then quietly keep your own internal translation guide.
When he says “new era,” hear: “I changed one tab in Excel and I’m scared you won’t clap.”
When he says “this is transformational,” hear: “I watched a webinar at 2 a.m. and now I’m emotionally attached to a dropdown menu.”
When he says “we’re rewriting the playbook,” hear: “I added conditional formatting.”
Your coping strategy is simple: give him a ceremonial moment, then move on with your day. Ask one polite question so he feels seen (“Will this affect how we track calls?”), say “Love the direction,” and then continue doing the work the same way you did yesterday… just with a slightly different file name.
If you really want to lean in, start naming these eras so they can end. Put it in the meeting notes like it’s a historical marker: “Welcome to the Blue Spreadsheet Era (Feb–Mar).” Once an era has a title, it suddenly feels finite, which is the sweetest gift you can give yourself.
And remember: in this profession, real change is rare. If your biggest “new era” this week is a spreadsheet, you’re doing alright.
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- This Milford nonprofit helps families with high funeral costs
- People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
