DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the satire.
Welcome to the first FFFW of 2024. Here’s a new year full of memes, gifs, and good news. Let’s get kick’n.
(BREAKING NEWS) Funeral Director Breaks New Year’s Resolution to “Get More Sleep”
“I really thought this was going to be the year.” – Bob Smith
Local funeral director Bob Smith has regrettably broken his New Year’s resolution to get more sleep, a mere five days into the new year. Smith, a pillar of dedication in the funeral service community, found his ambitious commitment interrupted by a late-night call for a funeral arrangement. “I really thought this was going to be the year,” Smith said, the fatigue evident in his eyes, yet his tone remained unwaveringly stoic.
Sleep experts, in a bid to offer assistance, have suggested a drastic career change as the only viable solution for a healthier sleep pattern. Unfazed, Smith humorously contemplates a more achievable resolution for the coming year: “Perhaps I should aim to master sleeping with my eyes open during services. In this line of work, readiness is key, even if it means battling the Sandman.”
In response to Smith’s disrupted sleep schedule, his colleagues at the funeral home have initiated an informal betting pool on when he might next achieve a full night’s rest.
GAME TIME
The average funeral home handles 113 calls per year. What is the name of the iconic 113th episode of The Office? Click your answer. If a GIF pops up that says “yes” then you’ve succeeded!
a) Casual Friday
b) Scott’s Tots
c) Secret Santa
You Otter Be Proud
- Pierce Colleges of Funeral Service Names Joseph Finocchiaro Chief Executive Officer and President
- Demaine Funeral Home in Alexandria helps families plan for the future
- Rockland County moves to improve, restore several abandoned cemeteries
