“The Dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise to the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and we shall save our country.”
Abraham Lincoln, Message to Congress 1862
We are held captive to our own dogma: “The only good funeral is a ‘traditional’ funeral.’” (Except, we no longer know what a traditional funeral is.) ”Healing can only occur when the body is present.” is yet another. We hold so tightly to these truths that we consider them to be self-authenticating and sustaining. If people would just accept these things as we know them they would see the error of their ways. While Our dogma may, in fact, be true and accurate it is “now inadequate to our stormy present.”
Instead, we must see our role as expanding the world view of our clients. In their world view the evidence is not self sustaining. After all: “Jim Smith’s body wasn’t present when we went to his memorial service and no one seemed to be hurt.” It is our job to understand that we must begin with their preconceptions. My friend, Paul Seyler, points out that the best way to disrupt someones preconception is to surprise them. But we make another mistake when we imagine that we know what their preconceptions are. In listening to funeral directors it seems that there is widespread belief among the profession that the public sees funerals as irrelevant, too expensive, unnecessary, etc. But, in truth, at the individual level, we don’t know that. So, preparing a defense along those lines will frequently fail.
When we encounter resistant people it is always tempting to tell ourselves stories to explain what is happening. Our failure to verify those stories is what leads us down unsuccessful paths. Second to the apologists command of his subject matter is his / her ability to listen and probe. To set the context and lead the conversation by introducing insights that his audience may not have considered. All of this while making sure that he is creating and protecting a safe environment. By listening we uncover both preconceptions and real needs.
So…C/D has evolved into the Alan Creedy, Caleb Wilde, Jonathan O’Hara BLOG SITE. This is unfortunate.
Oh! forgot to mention Colin Firth as well.
I have no issue with guest blog articles on CD, especially when it is clear who wrote the article and the company that they work represent. However, I would like to see these posts be content exclusive to CD and not just a duplication of something from that bloggers own website.
Like it or not, it’s also a common practice to respond with some no-value-add commentary and use it as an shameless excuse to make reference to your company (yes, this is you Colin Firth!).
I think the response comments to some of the articles have been very interesting and helped provide balance to the opinions expressed in the blog post.
re. unimpressed: This is the second time in a week that negative comments have been made about contributors.
From my vantage point Connectingdirectors is for everyone including funeral professionals and vendors. It’s a meeting place where views and comments can be shared by anyone that visits the site. I wouldn’t fault anyone for mentioning what they do and who they represent, if the story has appeared elsewhere, big deal!
Don’t like a story? Then don’t read it. Don’t like a particular columnist? Then skip over it. Already read the story elsewhere? Everyone on the site doesn’t follow every other funeral blog. Calling anyone out by name is a cheap shot especially if they are making an effort with their business, columns or comments to try help the struggling industry.
Perhaps instead of new ideas, viewpoints and opportunities, you would like to see only negative stories about illegal activity or those who make the news with bad stories about the industry. I think these types of stories are far too prevalent already in the media. Maybe you should turn your talents to writing for connectingdirectors.com and put yourself out for criticism which you so easily dole out against others on the site. As far as the people you named I hope they continue to offer their diverse opinons on connectingdirectors.
Have been following this blog for a couple of years but never posted a comment. I am UNIMPRESSED and surprised by some of the p*ss poor attitudes of some people in the funeral business that are closed minded to anything new . Not only are we fighting to survive now we are being critical and slamming those who are offering their help. Pretty sorry state we are in. BTW another good post Mr. Creedey.
Alan, thank you for another insightful article about a situation and concept that FD’s should be considering. I am surprised by the negativity in the comments – not necessarily related to the article and most likely will poison any further comments – too bad. Tim