Welcome to September! Last night, the first NFL game kicked off, so I think we’re good to declare that it’s officially fall. And fall is maybe the most exciting season. You know how I know fall is incredible? Because the only reason people DON’T like it is because “it’s just so short.” So, let’s enjoy it while we have it!
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Director Quietly Regrets Letting Teen Intern Control Slideshow Transitions
MILLBROOK, OH — What began as a touching life celebration quickly spiraled into a dizzying spectacle Friday after 17-year-old funeral home intern Kyle Benson was put in charge of slideshow transitions.
Eyewitnesses reported that the tribute video for beloved grandmother Shirley Watkins started innocently enough with the classic “fade to black,” but by the third photo the screen was already spinning like a slot machine in Las Vegas.
“It felt less like a memorial and more like a PowerPoint from a middle school science fair,” said funeral director Paula Knox, who admitted she regretted delegating the task. “Every time a new picture appeared, I braced myself. One minute we’re mourning Shirley, the next we’re all watching her wedding photo get launched into space with a ‘Star Wipe.’”
Family members tried to remain composed as solemn hymns clashed with jarring sound effects — including an audible “boing!” as Shirley’s portrait bounced onto the screen. “She was a vibrant woman,” said grandson Jeremy Watkins. “But I don’t think she wanted her high school photo revealed via flaming text explosion.”
Kyle, meanwhile, remained unapologetic. “I was just trying to keep it lit,” he said, adding that he had several unreleased effects — including a 3D flying pig GIF — queued up if the service had run longer.
Sources confirm the funeral home will be returning to “dignified crossfade only” policy effective immediately.
Trivia
Choose the correct answer and you’ll see a puppy. Get it wrong and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.
How many gallons of embalming fluid are used in the U.S. each year?
A) About the volume of an Olympic swimming pool
B) About the volume of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool
C) About the volume of 10 backyard above-ground pools
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- This Milford nonprofit helps families with high funeral costs
- People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
