Caleb Wilde Contributors Funeral Industry News

5 Creative Ways to Misuse / Abuse a Casket

June 1, 2012

5 Creative Ways to Misuse / Abuse a Casket

Article Provided by:  Caleb Wilde

1.) In Tennessee this past August, a Mr. Barrett Lance Hartsock was booked by the police for “breaking and entering, and vandalism”.

His crime?

Breaking and entering a funeral home to sleep in a casket.

Barrett was caught, but his accomplice (who also slept in a casket) escaped out the window.  The funeral home’s claiming nine grand in losses.

I pity Barrett and his accomplace for two reasons: 1.) the poor guy was desperate enough for a bed that he broke into a funeral home 2.) caskets aren’t very comfortable … like, they’re actually uncomfortable.

2.) A “timeout” chamber.  It’s a full moon.  The kids are acting up.  All your “Quiet down!” and “Stop smacking your sister” demands are falling on deaf ears.

The answer?

Have a casket in the basement.  Put ‘em in the casket for 10 minutes and they’ll be angels when they come out.

I already have a name and a tag line for this obedience device: Kids not listening to your bossin? Threaten ‘em with a “Koffin”!

Or, if you’re a fan of diversion, you could redirect your energetic little guy with a Casket Car that he can play with outside, away from his sister, where his yells and screams bounce off the walls of his Casket Car instead of the walls of your living room.

3.) You could make a casket into a boat.  I know that misuse / abuse is kinda obvious.  It should be even more obvious with the picture below.

I’m not sure what that handsome couple is doing standing beside those behemoths … maybe they’re demonstrating that you can fit two people in one casket … you know, just in case you both plan on dying around the exact same time?

Actually those caskets are for one really large person (thank you McDonalds) or, they can be flipped upside down and made into a great fishin boat.

4.) A pull behind trailer.  Genius.

I’m not entirely sure the picture below represents a misuse or abuse of a casket.  It may be a “win”.

5.) The next one probably overstep the “misuse / abuse” category as it fits moreso into the overly ambitious / bad theology / capitalizing on extreme naivety category.

I bet Benny Hinn saw this advertisement and got really jealous he didn’t think of it first.

In all seriousness, though, I really wish they didn’t black out the last four digits of that phone number as I’d absolutely love to received my “Personal Consult”.

Either this one is a joke, or the world should be ending very soon.