The Funeral Profession Enters the Chick-Fil-A Debate [Caleb Wilde]

August 7, 2012
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Article contributed by: Caleb Wilde, CalebWilde.com

The funeral business is usually about 50 or so years behind the times … mostly because our clientele are …  well … our clientele are old.

The funeral industry discovered the internet like a year ago and we’re still struggling to find innovative ways to apply it to our customer base.

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While embroidery has been around for like ever, we just started embroidering caskets about five years.  So, we are now pleased to offer caskets such as this:

In case you couldn’t tell, those beautifully designed flowers are in fact roses.  We’re still working on a better depiction of the rose, but you get the idea ….

Over the past week, nothing has divided America like this soundbite from Chick-Fil-A President Dan Cathy:

“We are very much supportive of the family—the biblical definition of the family unit,” Cathy told the Baptist Press. “We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

It seems everybody has weighed in on Cathy’s words.  Mike Huckabee and Billy Graham organized a Chick-Fil-A “Appreciation Day” where numerous conservatives rallied in support of the chicken sandwich by purchasing Chick-Fil-A fast food.  While the LGBTQ community counterprotested with a “Kiss In”.

Twitter, Facebook has been abuzz with people taking sides.  Everybody has had something to say … everybody except the funeral industry.

Times are changing.  Instead of us being 50 years behind, today, I’m proud to say that we’re only about a week behind with the release of the “Cathy Casket”.  Pick your position in support of the traditional family by purchasing a beautiful metal casket embroidered with the emblem of your conservative values.  Who says you can’t take your favorite family values, fast food restaurant logo with you?

This casket comes in sizes “Medium”, “Large” and — for those who support conservative values on a daily basis — “Super Size”.

If you are member of the LGBTQ community, the funeral industry is proud to introduce to you the “NOH8 Casket”.  While the beautiful metal casket below is displayed in white, you can rest in peace knowing that this lovely piece of artwork comes in every color of the rainbow.  You’ve fought hard for your identity, so why shouldn’t you bring that identity to your grave in the “NOH8″?  The funeral industry is here to serve everyone, so stand against the bullies like Dan Cathy and vote with your casket.  Remember: A traditional funeral doesn’t equal traditional values.

And in other news, we landed on Mars this morning.  Wait with bated breath as the funeral industry develops a response to that epic accomplishment through a wonderful new Mars themed urn.  Coming to a local funeral home near you.

Caleb Wilde

I'm a sixth generation funeral director. I have a grad degree in Missional Theology. And I like to read and write. Connect with my writing and book plans by "liking" me on facebook. And keep tabs with my blog via subscription or twitter.
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