Well, yesterday kicked off the big March tournament. Aaaand my bracket is already busted. I’m currently dead last in my pool, and I’m getting beat by my buddies four year old son. That’s what I get for betting on Oral Roberts as the national champ.
Oh well, I’m sure it’s all scripted anyway.
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Unfortunately, my bracket can’t get a refund either.
FIVE BEST SPORTS MOVIES FOR FUNERAL DIRECTORS
You have a tough gig. Between the nature of loss you deal with, the weird hours, and the ugly carpet you walk on- you might just feel “down” sometimes. That’s okay because I have the medicine you need.
Is it a nice vacation? Nope.
Is it a token of appreciation? Nah.
It’s better than all that! It’s inspirational sports movies.
5) Remember the Titans
I just finished watching this right before writing this article- and I’m hyped. Like all good sports movies, the game is secondary. And s/o to whoever made “Ain’t no Mountain” the theme song deserves major props. It’s impossible to not want to run a mile after watching Denzel inspire the next generation and provide racial reconciliation.
Rating: 7/5 southern accents.
4) Rocky
“Yo Adrian, this movie spanks!” – Rocky (probably)
This is a masterpiece. Not only one of the best sports movies but just overall one of the best movies ever. If the Italian Stallion doesn’t get your blood pumping- you probably need a funeral yourself.
Rating: 11/10 bloody eyes.
3) Rocky IV
I know, I know- I just put a rocky movie on here. Well, the truth is I could’ve made this list 9 movies long and just included EVERY Rocky and Creed movie. But, c’mon- Rocky 4 is an American staple. It’s basically four giant montages, with a couple fights blended together to defeat communism… and it does it beautifully. Drago is probably the best villain ever, and should maybe be considered for the next Marvel phase. Plus, “If I’s can change, and you’s can change, WE ALL CAN CHANGE!”
Rating: 100/100 Flying Bald Eagles
2) Invincible
This is the only one on this list that some people may have never seen. But, this 2006 Disney banger tells the story of Vince Paple, a rough bartender turned NFL athlete. Featuring the best Mark Wahlberg performance of all time, this is one of my go-to pick-me-ups anytime I’m in the dumps.
Rating: 67/50 muddy jeans
1) Hot Rod
“What? That’s not a sports movie”- an uncultured tryhard
Of course it’s a sports movie- he’s a moped-riding stunt man. Not only that, but the movie involves a training montage and a handful of physical altercations. This is as sporty as it gets.
“Yeah, but it’s not inspirational.” – Someone who’s never been inspired
When I tell you this movie gets me so hyped that I can stay awake for days- I’m slightly exaggerating. But when I tell you it makes me pretty happy- I’m telling the truth.
Rating: 20/15 fake mustaches
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1) Thief Returns Stolen Property to Funeral Home
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