Cooler Caskets & Juicy Jewelry | 4M #154
Welcome to the hundred-and-fifty-fourth edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #154, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!
A message from “the family”
An anti-mafia activist is having no trouble interpreting the message left at her home in Rome, Italy, and she’s pretty sure she knows who sent it. Last week, Tiziana Ronzio, president of Rome’s Toripiubella anti-mafia group, found a black casket on her front lawn. Ronzio immediately attributed the threat to the Casamonica crime family, a mafia-style organized crime syndicate. She’s called the threat “stupid,” assuring the public that it won’t stop her and her group from their work. “I’m not afraid, I’m moving forward,” Ronzio told local media. “These are stupid gestures which make us even more angry and want to fight.”
We want an invite to this backyard barbecue
Leave it to Yeti and Liquid Death to come up with *the BEST* auction item ever! There’s no better way to represent your day job while at the same time keeping all your friends hydrated. We don’t know who won the August 30 auction (minimum bid was $1500), but we can only hope it was someone who truly appreciates the value of this terrifyingly awesome thing of beauty, complete with cap panels reading “Murder Your Thirst.” And just an FYI, the 85-pound casket cooler holds “approximately 378 12oz cans of Liquid Death or 252 19.2oz cans of Liquid Death” … or a super chill full-sized adult later on. The cooler’s coolest feature? Yeti’s “patented T-latch lid locks!” (If there was only a way to get those on some of your selection room inventory … sigh.) Oh, and you will definitely appreciate the accompanying video!
The Juice is now jewelry?
Last week it was reported that the late O.J. Simpson’s cremated remains were “turned into an assortment of jewelry” for his four children. Simpson’s attorney and executor commented that the “final total was $4,243.06 — which included the cost of cremation, the jewelry and death certificates.” Apparently he tried to keep costs down as he works to clear the millions of dollars of debt left by the former running back (most of which is still owed to the family of the late Ron Goldman).
The Hess mess
Sunset Mesa’s disgraced and incarcerated former owner Megan Hess is still in prison, along with her mother, Shirley Koch, serving 20- and 15-year sentences, respectively. However, these sentences have been technically “vacated,” as earlier this year a federal court “found several calculation errors in the methodology used by the sentencing judge.” On August 23, a judge in the appeals court remanded the case back to a lower court so the duo could be resentenced.
So many things wrong with this…
A Colorado man has been charged with murder after 1) fatally shooting a fellow mourner 2) during a birthday celebration at a cemetery 3) held at 11 p.m. after the cemetery closed 4) because the victim felt sick and said he was about to throw up on a nearby grave. We’ll just leave all that right here.
