New Slushie Urns | FFFW 132

Funeral Industry News April 14, 2023

New Slushie Urns | FFFW 132

Let’s get started with “This Day in History.” On this day in 1912, the Titanic hit an iceberg that caused her to sink. Wow, that is kind of depressing, and y’all don’t come here for that. So, let me scour the internet for some other historic event on April 14th.

Oh, I just found one about Abraham Lincoln; this has to be good- everyone loves Abe! As a kid I knew a lot of fun facts about him and his hat, his beard, and the cherry tree. So let’s see!

Oh no…

April 14th is when he was shot. That is a major bummer. Not the type of energy I was looking for.

Well, shoot (no pun intended) April 14th has been a part of two major bummers. Let’s find something with animals! That’s always fun. Hmmm *google some more April 14th facts* Oh! Here’s one, Sputnik 2 launched with a dog astronaut! That’s adorable!

What could be wrong with this?
*Clicks on story
Oh no… that dog went to space- and died tragically.

Y’all, I feel terrible I’ve failed you terribly. You come here for good news, and I’ve just told you about three disasters. I don’t know what to do!

I guess all I can do is remind you that even though this day has historically been awful- it can still be awesome. So, to help with that, I promise to provide some good news, GIFs, and giggles. Let’s go!

(Here’s a live dog that didn’t get killed by the Soviets to get started)

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At its core, an urn is just a container, right? Like obviously, we mostly want our urns to be durable, attractive, and maybe sealable. But who’s to say that ashes wouldn’t be perfectly fine in other containers?

Here’s where we get into a weird fascination of mine: 7/11’s “Bring Your Own Cup” day. This is a day when 7/11 allows their customer to bring any reasonable container in to be filled with glorious Slurpee goodness. Though I have never participated in this holiday, it holds a special place in my heart. Why? Because I love anything that inspires pointless fun and unnecessary innovation.

So, I want to show you some of the best containers that have been used for this day, and I will rate them on how well they would be for a Slurpee. AND I will give a separate rating for how good they would be as an urn. Because why not?

Yard Pool


Slurpee Rating: 5/10
See, I think it would be great for about 10 minutes, but it would melt very fast before you had a chance to drink it all. Then you just have a juicy mess. Also, not the most portable. A+ for creativity, but D- for practicality.

Urn Rating: 1/10
This is one step away from throwing the ashes on top of the ground where this pool is located. Wind will easily blow the ashes out, and it would just look weird. 10/10 do NOT recommend.



Slurpee Rating: 8/10
This is very creative, it holds a respectable amount of Slurpee, and it’s VERY personalized. Only drawback is that slurping on the go may be more difficult.

Urn rating: 8/10
Talk about keeping a loved one’s memories with you. This is genius. Plus, it’s VERY portable!



Slurpee Rating: 9/10

It’s provocative, versatile, and practical. The only reason it’s not 10/10 is because you have to be VERY confident that all bleach has been removed.

Urn Rating: 10/10
It would probably be the best talking piece ever.


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