Welcome to the hundred-and-seventy-ninth edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #179, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!
Vases are soooo yesterday
Cemetery thieves are getting creative. They’ve moved beyond stealing those boring copper vases and nameplates, now opting instead for mausoleum doors, house-sized liberty bells, statutes, and urns that can be held for ransom. Check out these bizarre stories we found just this past week:
- Chinese tourists steal cremation urns and demand $2m ransom
- Thieves steal mausoleum doors from Philadelphia cemeteries
- Liberty bell replica stolen from Seattle cemetery has been recovered
- Statue of Swiss immigrant stolen from California cemetery
Removing barriers
A Florida legislator has introduced a bill that will remove barriers to accessing private property where abandoned cemeteries may be located. Recently, the owners of two private businesses allowed authorities to use radar and archaeological digging techniques to confirm the location of a historic cemetery under their structures; the former cemetery was later formally recognized and honored with a historical marker. However, other property owners have refused such access to their land, even when there is strong evidence that the property was a cemetery at one time. If the proposed bill passes, it would provide “relatives and descendants an easement” to visit the property at designated times.
Too close to quitting time?
A UK city council has fined a grieving family £432 (about $557) for exceeding their allotted (and strictly enforced) 40-minute funeral service time at a city-owned crematory by 13 minutes. The family is fighting the penalty, saying that they specifically scheduled their service as the last of the day just in case it ran a little long. The city is sticking to their guns on the penalty itself, but are reviewing the amount they charge.
Somebody’s gotta do it
No one’s denying that being a funeral director or embalmer can be a demanding job, but should the more unpleasant aspects of the job warrant special consideration when it comes to wages? A group of unionized Canadian deathcare employees believe it should, and they’re using the “ick factor” and “disturbing nature” of their embalming duties as leverage in the negotiations. In a news article that carries a content warning about the “potentially disturbing nature” of the embalmer’s job description, an arbitrator commented that he accepts that the “pool of workers willing and able to experience such sights and smells may be narrower than for other positions.”
Procession practice
The embattled Caisson Platoon that once provided horse-drawn funeral escorts for veteran burials in Arlington National Cemetery just can’t catch a break. First, the entire program was suspended in May 2023 due to a multitude of issues involving the care of the horses. While improvements are being made to the facilities and training practices that will allow the caisson escorts to resume, platoon training continues. Sadly, an accident during one of those training sessions last week injured three soldiers and four horses. All involved are expected to recover from their non-life-threatening injuries, thank goodness.
