Welcome to the hundred-and-seventy-first edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #171, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!
Deepest regrets
We’ve visited this before, but hearing the same things from another hospice nurse just confirms that we should all take these last words of wisdom (a.k.a. patients’ greatest life regrets) to heart:
- Spend more time with family,
- Pursue a task in time to complete it, and
- Put yourself first.
How’s that for a ready-made list of 2025 New Year’s Resolutions?
A FH scandal in Ohio?
Funeral director Hunter Triplett went viral this month as the owner of the first funeral home in Ohio to apply for a liquor license. Allegedly. Yep, you heard that right. The Columbus Dispatch did some digging, and found that Triplett was not, in fact, the first — or even the fifth — Ohio funeral home owner, director, or CEO (yes, he’s all three) to apply for or to be approved for a liquor license. Mmmhmmm. You heard that right. The Dispatchers checked the state database (investigative reporting at work) and found that THREE other Ohio funeral homes have active licenses AND two more have pending applications. However, we have to give it to young Hunter for his successful (if false) pitch that could break all funeral home virality records. And if that’s not dope enough, young Hunter’s funeral home is housed in a former chocolate factory. Take that, Charlie.
Ohio FH scandal part two
But wait … there’s more! Now an etiquette expert from Texas has weighed in on the “controversy” of serving cocktails alongside caskets, and … dum-dum-DUMM — he says it’s not cool, man. The etiquette person told Fox News Digital that “’it’s not the norm’ to be offered alcohol at a funeral home – and it comes with the risk of suggesting a bar or party atmosphere. ‘Having an open bar at a funeral home sets a different tone,’” he said. Yep. Like a celebration. Of a loved one’s life, perhaps.
And the winner is …
A Michigan woman is $637 poorer today, but her money was well spent. She won an auction to visit the empty mausoleum of the founder of the Oldsmobile brand on Friday, June 13, 2025. The crypt was robbed of remains and valuables in the 1990s, so it’s been locked up tight, but this auction, which was sanctioned by the Olds family, will allow the lucky winner and three friends to be the first folks to enter in decades. The auction was a fundraiser for the community’s historical cemetery society, and the husband of the fifth-great-granddaughter of Mr. Olds threw in another $363 to make the donation an even $1000 as a gift to his wife.
It’s not THAT terrible
Wow, those Brits don’t understand the value of a good burial plot, do they? Apparently not, as a gravesite was listed in a recent poll as one of the nation’s all-time worst Christmas gifts! We can understand the other unwanted items, though — a toilet seat, a used clothes dryer, regifted shower wash, and beef for a vegetarian.
