AI Obituary Describes 94-Year-Old Methodist Woman as ‘An Absolute Legend Who Lived Life in Beast Mode’ | FFFW 302
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Funeral Director Excited About AI Obituary Writing Until It Describes 94-Year-Old Methodist Woman as ‘An Absolute Legend Who Lived Life in Beast Mode’
FAIRFIELD, OH — What began as an exciting step toward modernizing funeral service quickly turned into a lesson in the dangers of artificial intelligence after a local funeral director discovered that his new AI obituary-writing software had described a beloved 94-year-old Methodist woman as “an absolute legend who lived life in beast mode.”
“I was actually pretty excited about it,” said funeral director Gary Henderson, who had recently purchased the software after attending a webinar promising to save funeral professionals up to six hours a week. “They said all I had to do was enter some basic information about the deceased, and it would generate a beautiful, personalized obituary in seconds. Sounded pretty good to me.”
Henderson entered the information provided by the family of Margaret Louise Patterson, 94, a lifelong Methodist, retired elementary school librarian, and devoted grandmother who enjoyed gardening, baking peach cobbler, and watching Wheel of Fortune.
Within seconds, the software produced a 600-word obituary.
The opening paragraph read:
“Margaret Louise Patterson, 94, officially clocked out of this thing called life on Tuesday, leaving behind an absolutely legendary legacy. A certified icon, Margaret spent nearly a century crushing goals, spreading good vibes, and living life in absolute beast mode. Heaven just got a real one.”
“I just stared at the screen,” Henderson said. “I thought maybe I had accidentally selected some kind of sports setting.”
According to Henderson, things only got worse from there.
The obituary described Patterson’s 68-year marriage to her late husband, Walter, as “the ultimate power couple situation” and referred to her three children as “the original squad.”
Her 42 years of faithful attendance at First United Methodist Church were summarized as “never missing a Sunday drop.”
Perhaps most concerning was the software’s description of Patterson’s passing.
“After 94 years of absolutely dominating the game, Margaret has officially entered her eternal slay era.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” Henderson said. “And I’m fairly certain Margaret wouldn’t have either.”
Henderson attempted to correct the obituary by asking the software to make the language “more traditional, respectful, and appropriate for a Methodist funeral.”
The revised version began:
“Margaret Louise Patterson, 94, was a humble servant of the Lord who absolutely understood the assignment.”
Henderson then requested that the software remove all slang.
It responded by describing Patterson as “a woman of exceptional character whose accomplishments could best be characterized as extraordinarily impressive, particularly when evaluated through the lens of contemporary excellence.”
“At that point, I just started writing it myself,” Henderson said.
Unfortunately, the original obituary had already been automatically published to the funeral home’s website, where it remained visible for approximately 23 minutes.
During that time, the funeral home received four phone calls, two emails, and one message from Patterson’s 71-year-old daughter asking why her mother had been described as “the undisputed GOAT of the Methodist community.”
Henderson immediately apologized and removed the obituary.
The software company has since assured him that the issue was caused by an experimental feature designed to make obituaries “more engaging for younger audiences.”
A company representative explained that the feature had been developed in response to growing concerns that traditional obituaries weren’t generating enough social media engagement.
“We’re really trying to meet families where they are,” the representative said. “Our data shows that words like ‘legendary,’ ‘iconic,’ and ‘GOAT’ significantly increase engagement among Gen Z users. We’re currently working on a feature that allows families to select the deceased’s preferred level of rizz.”
Henderson says he has disabled the feature and returned to writing obituaries manually.
“I’ve been doing this for 31 years,” he said. “I’ve written thousands of obituaries. I’ve never once had a family ask me to describe their grandmother as ‘built different.’”
At press time, Henderson was attempting to cancel his software subscription after receiving an automated email congratulating him on achieving “Obituary Influencer Status.”
ASK THE FUNERAL DUDE!
Dear Funeral Dude, Our funeral home owner keeps calling us a family, but my actual family lets me take vacations. Is this normal? – The Forgotten Son
Dear Forgotten Son,
A funeral home is a family, and there is nothing more dignified than family. However, there is also nothing dignified about a funeral director begging for three days off to visit the beach. I suggest submitting your vacation request in writing, on official funeral home letterhead, with a respectful tone and appropriate margins. If your employer still refuses, you may need to remind him that even the most dignified hearse occasionally needs to be parked.
Dignity Above All,
The Funeral Dude
GIF OF THE WEEK
