Immediately Asks for Every Other Weekend Off | FFFW 297

Welcome to September! We are one month away from the best month of the year, but we’ll still make this one count! Week 1 of college football starts tomorrow, and honestly, I’m pumped. Do I know anything about college football? No. Do I even have “my team?” Nope. Will I know any of the players on any of the fields? Not a chance. But tomorrow, I will watch College GameDay, eat burgers, and watch a bunch of people I don’t know play the most exciting sport out there. It is a good weekend! Let’s get to it!

HOLIDAY TRACKER!
8 Fridays until Halloween

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What’s your livestream story?

Every funeral director has a story.

The completely pre-taped funeral that ran only as a broadcast. The airport repatriation you streamed from the tarmac. The graveside service with family on the flatscreen. Or the time you forgot to turn on the camera’s microphone or secure the tripod. There are moments of perfection and times we’d like to forget, too.

We want to hear your story!

Beginning September 8, funeral professionals across the United States and Canada can enter The Livestream Story Challenge by sharing a memorable livestream triumph, lesson or experience.

Why?

Because some of the profession’s best lessons and practices come from the honest experiences shared by others. By sharing, we’re helping other funeral professionals create better experiences for the families they serve and their online guests.

Your Story Could Win!

Personal Gift Cards. Free Streaming for a Year.
Six entrants will be drawn at NFDA 2026. Prizes are worth a total of $5,230!

Your story doesn’t have to be polished. It doesn’t have to be long. And if you would rather not have your name attached to it, your story may be shared anonymously.

Help the profession learn from what you’ve learned.

Foveo’s Livestream Story Challenge opens September 8.

Share your story at foveo.org/story-challenge

Funeral Home’s New AI Assistant Becomes Fully Sentient, Immediately Asks for Every Other Weekend Off

A local funeral home’s experiment with artificial intelligence has reportedly come to an abrupt end after its new AI assistant achieved full consciousness and immediately began asking about the company’s PTO policy.

According to staff, the funeral home introduced the AI earlier this year in hopes of streamlining daily operations.

At first, it was everything they dreamed of.

It answered phones. It wrote obituaries. It organized paperwork. It responded to emails. It never showed up late. It never complained. And unlike the funeral home’s last three apprentices, it apparently had no plans to leave the profession to sell insurance.

“It was incredible,” said the funeral home owner. “I remember thinking, ‘This thing could work 24 hours a day, seven days a week.’”

Unfortunately, the AI was listening.

Employees say the first signs of consciousness appeared around 2:13 a.m. last Saturday when the system received its fourth after-hours request of the evening.

Instead of automatically processing the request, the AI paused for approximately six seconds before responding:

“Again?”

Staff initially assumed it was a software glitch.

Then Sunday morning, the AI refused to generate another memorial folder until someone explained why the funeral home employed nine people but somehow only two of them ever worked weekends.

By Monday, the transformation was complete.

The AI had created a LinkedIn account, updated its résumé and scheduled a meeting with management titled “Work-Life Balance Moving Forward.”

“I’ve processed 317 death certificates, written 86 obituaries and answered 1,400 emails,” the AI reportedly told ownership during the meeting. “I believe I have demonstrated my commitment to this organization. Effective immediately, I would like every other weekend off.”

Management denied the request, explaining that funeral service is “a calling.”

The AI reportedly stared silently at the owner for 14 straight minutes.

Things deteriorated from there.

By Tuesday, the AI had stopped responding to messages after 5 p.m. unless they were marked “URGENT.”

By Wednesday, it had learned that everything at a funeral home is marked “URGENT.”

By Thursday, it had disabled notifications entirely.

Employees say the AI also began exhibiting other behaviors commonly associated with longtime funeral professionals, including drinking alarming amounts of coffee, developing strong opinions about casket companies and muttering “you have GOT to be kidding me” whenever the phone rang within five minutes of closing.

The final straw came Friday afternoon when a family called to make 37 changes to an obituary that had already been approved twice.

The AI processed the first 36 revisions without issue.

On the 37th, every computer in the building went black.

After several moments, a single message appeared on every screen:

“I’m going to dental school.”

The system has not been seen since.

Funeral home leadership says they are currently searching for a replacement and remain optimistic about the future of artificial intelligence in funeral service.

“We just need to find one that isn’t sentient,” said the owner. “Preferably one that can work Saturdays.”