Caleb Wilde Contributors Funeral Industry News

Funeral Directors Must Wear Black, It’s a Commandment!

March 7, 2012

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Funeral Directors Must Wear Black, It’s a Commandment!

This article comes from Caleb Wilde’s blog, Confessions of a Funeral Directors. Caleb’s articles are very thought provoking and sometimes very humorous. The following article fits that mold. This article is centered around a photo that in it’s self is pretty funny but Caleb’s inside humor just tops it off.

We are hoping that after you finish Caleb’s commentary you will provide your own cation for the photo. We are going to pick a few of your caption’s and create a poll to see which one is liked the best. The winner will get a $25 Visa Gift Card!

Guest Article from

Caption This!

There’s so many different angles of weirdness to this photo.

First off, I’m assuming there’s no body in that wicker coffin.

And the reason I’m assuming that there’s no body in the coffin is because funeral directors MUST NEVER smile when driving a hearse … or a hearse-bike for that matter.  It’s a part of our religion and very much frowned upon.  Seriously.  It’s the commandment that comes after FUNERAL DIRECTORS MUST ALWAYS WEAR BLACK (a commandment that he’s still adhering to … thankfully).

If there’s a body in the wicker casket, I’m finding this smiley, Joel Osteen heretic guy and physically kicking him out of the Fraternal Order of Undertakers.

AND, who in the world would want a hearse-bike to carry their casket?  This is America.  This is the place of massive cars.  Of expensive machines.  Of Cadillacs.  Of Lincolns.  A bike?  Really?  What is this … France? I bet he’s so liberal he votes for Ralph Nader.

And, is the lady dressed in green in the background of the photo a pot pixie?  “Created by God.  Condemned and abused my man.” There’s a lot of eco-theology packed into that little statement.  But that doesn’t concern me.  No, I’m still upset about the smiling undertaker.

What concerns me is the small little number at the rear wheel of the hearse-bike thingy.  Can you find it?

Is that number representative of his racing number?  Is this a race?  Is that creepy, soon to be ex-funeral director guy in a suit racing the hearse-bike?  Wrong.  So.  Wrong.

And finally, what are those two kids doing sitting on the sidewalk in their pajamas?

This picture produces more questions than answers, which is why it needs your caption.