Happy September 18th! I hope you all are doing well, and Bills fans are still celebrating Josh Allen’s 5 touchdowns last night.
Yes, gas prices may be high, it still might be blistering hot in parts of our country, and I might be in a hotel realizing I didn’t pack a charging cable for my laptop that’s at 25%…
But, it’s Friday, it’s football season, and we’re geting oh so close to REAL fall!
So, shall we celebrate?
HOLIDAY TRACKER!
6 Fridays until Halloween
9 Fridays until Thanksgiving
13 Fridays until Christmas
Why are you holding back?!
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Local Funeral Home Rebrands as “Deathcare Solutions,” Confuses Literally Everyone Over 65
A longtime local funeral home has a new name, a new logo, and, according to several longtime residents, a new way of making something simple sound incredibly complicated.
The former Smith & Sons Funeral Home officially announced this week that it will now operate as Smith Deathcare Solutions, part of an effort to modernize the business and better reflect the range of services it provides.
The change includes new signage, an updated website, and new terminology for several of the funeral home’s traditional services.
The response from older residents has been mixed.
“I drove past it three times because I thought it was some kind of insurance company,” said 76-year-old resident Barbara Miller. “Then I saw Jim standing out front and realized it was still the funeral home.”
According to the company, the term “deathcare” encompasses funeral services, cremation, preplanning, grief resources, memorialization, and other end-of-life services offered by the business.
That explanation has not necessarily cleared things up.
“My wife asked me what a Deathcare Solution was,” said 81-year-old Robert Hayes. “I told her I think it means funeral home.”
The business has also updated some of the language used throughout its website, referring to arrangement meetings as “family care consultations” and describing preplanning as “legacy planning.”
Owner Jim Smith said the funeral home itself has not changed and that families should expect the same staff and services they have known for decades.
“We’re still the same people serving the same community,” Smith said. “We just felt our old name didn’t fully communicate everything we do.”
When asked what was wrong with the words “funeral home,” Smith paused for several seconds before reiterating that the company is “looking toward the future.”
Residents with questions about the rebrand are encouraged to visit the funeral home’s new website.
Barbara Miller said she will not be doing that.
“I have their phone number on the refrigerator.”
ASK THE FUNERAL DUDE!
One of our funeral directors keeps eating the snacks families bring in for visitations. Not leftovers. I’m talking before the family even gets here. Last week I caught him opening a sealed Costco cookie tray at 9:15 in the morning.
How do I make him stop? – Hungry for Answers
Dear Hungry,
You don’t have a coworker problem. You have a raccoon that somehow passed the National Board Exam.
There is a sacred order to funeral home food.
Family eats first. Guests eat second. Staff waits until everyone leaves, turns off the chapel lights, and descends upon the leftovers like hyenas discovering a wildebeest.
Those cookies are not yours until they’ve been sitting untouched next to a half-empty coffee urn for at least 45 minutes.
Everybody knows this.
Put a Post-it on the next tray that says “FOR THE FAMILY.”
If that doesn’t work, start labeling everything “GLUTEN FREE.”
He’ll never touch it again.
— The Funeral Dude
GIF OF THE WEEK
