Howdy y’all
It’s been very hot, right? But here’s the thing. I refuse to complain, though. Because, as much as the muggy heat is a little uncomfortable… I save all of my complaining for winter. So, let’s enjoy the heat and save all misery for when it hurts our faces to walk outside in a free months. Til then- we shall party!
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Funeral Home Fridge Magically Contains Only One Yogurt Cup and a Spoon from 2009
BENTONVILLE, IN — After years of employee lunches, community potlucks, and one unforgettable Tupperware Incident of 2017, the staff refrigerator at Holloway & Sons Funeral Home now contains just a single half-crushed Yoplait and one bent metal spoon of unknown origin.
“We’re not even sure how it got like this,” said office manager Dana Hull, cautiously opening the fridge door. “Yesterday there were at least six Diet Cokes, two half-eaten salads, and I swear someone left an entire rotisserie chicken last week.”
The fridge, a faded white Frigidaire with a humming compressor and the scent of mild regret, has reportedly entered what staff are calling “its mystical phase.”
“I took my lunch out and went to grab a drink, and when I opened it again—boom. Just the yogurt,” said Funeral Director Alan Deets. “It’s like a cursed vending machine.”
The yogurt in question, a strawberry-banana Yoplait Light, appears to have been sealed in a different geological era. The expiration date reads “09 JUN,” though the year is obscured by a layer of what might be time dust.
The spoon, tarnished and slightly bent at the neck, is widely believed to be the last remaining artifact from a 2009 aftercare luncheon that no one has spoken of since.
Despite multiple staff claims that they’ve cleaned out the fridge “at least once a quarter,” no records support this.
“I feel like it’s watching us now,” Hull said. “Like it’s guarding something.”
Maintenance has been asked to investigate. They declined, citing the presence of “fridge spirits” and a general lack of hazard pay.
Trivia
Choose the correct answer and you’ll see a puppy. Get it wrong and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.
Which U.S. cemetery has the highest number of interments?
Answer Choices:
A. Forest Lawn Memorial Park – Glendale, CA
B. Arlington National Cemetery – Arlington, VA
C. Calvary Cemetery – Queens, NY
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- Unique Program Recycles Pacemakers Retrieved from the Deceased
- People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
