Welcome to the hundred-and-seventy-eighth edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #178, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!
Hip hop coffin drop
Some of the biggest names in hip hop have found themselves recipients of some unwanted attention lately, thanks to the ongoing Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake feud. For whatever reason, several rappers have received unsolicited home deliveries of life-size wooden coffins decorated with upside-down crosses and messages including “RIP Drake” and “RIP Ovo,” the latter referring to Drake’s lifestyle brand and record label. TMZ is calling the odd occurrences a “creepy coffin prank” …
Drive-thru burial
Officers in Witchita Falls, Texas recently responded to a report of human remains along a busy highway, but quickly realized they were slightly misinformed. Yes, there were human remains, and technically they were alongside a highway, but these remains were in an urn, on a table under a covered area in a county cemetery. Taped to the urn was an envelope containing the deceased’s name and a “little money,” presumably for burial in the cemetery, which is used for indigent burials. “Somebody wanted someone buried, and they didn’t have enough money,” said the local sheriff. “So they put some in the envelope, thinking it was like a drive-thru.”
Calculate at your own risk
A Michigan radio station has shared a nifty little tool that claims to predict the date of your death. Using the (increasingly disturbing) power of AI, the Death Clock Calculator uses information like birth date, BMI, home country, and personal habits to produce an estimated life expectancy metric. According to the site, the Death Clock has predicted the “demise” of more than 67 million people since 2006.
Unusual selling point
You’ve probably heard that kitchen upgrades and nice bathrooms can help homeowners attract potential buyers to their listing, but according to a real estate expert quoted in House Beautiful, there’s one other perk that might seal that sale for you. “Believe it or not, some people are drawn to homes near graveyards and actually see them as being historic and of course peaceful,” says Jenna Stauffer, broker and global real estate advisor with Sotheby’s International Realty. “Adding ‘graveyard’ can be a double-edged sword, so proceed with caution.”
VA protecting burial services
The Department of Veterans Affairs will soon realize an estimated $2 billion in savings by cancelling contracts for “coaching and training” and for creating “things like PowerPoint slides and meeting minutes,” thanks to the waste-seeking efforts spearheaded by DOGE. But VA officials are reassuring veterans that none of these cuts will impact the care or benefits they receive, including burial services. “We will not be eliminating any benefits or services to veterans or VA beneficiaries, and there will be no negative impact to VA healthcare, benefits or beneficiaries,” a spokesperson said. “We are always going to take care of veterans at VA. Period.”
Lauren’s at it again
Controversial Tiktokker Lauren the Mortician is making waves (again) by offering what she calls “creative, practical, and slightly unhinged solutions for what to do with those pesky, paternal remains.” She advised a woman to mix the cremated remains of her neglectful dad with cat litter so he would “understand what it’s like to clean up after someone else,” OR to stuff them in an envelope and ship them to a random address so that “maybe he’ll find a new family who actually wants him.”
