DISCLAIMER: None of the F’s in FFFW stand for “facts.” Enjoy the jokes and satire.
Are you snowed in right now?
A lot of us woke up this morning to several inches of snow and ice covering our roads and cars. But, you know what’s great for warming up your heart- the FFFW.
So, in the midst of the cold- we’re bringing the HEAT to take you into this chilly weekend.
Days until the Chiefs win the Big Game: 31
Introducing The Memo by MemoryShare
MemoryShare, the #1 Live Streaming software for funeral homes, has announced a new monthly newsletter.
“The Memo” is for funeral directors to stay updated on the latest tools, pro-tips, video tricks, and technology op-eds in the funeral profession. Subscribers will get exclusive access to early offers, discounts, and feature releases.
To subscribe to The Memo, click the button below. The first 20 subscribers will receive a mystery gift!
Smith Brothers Funeral Home Introduces “FastPass(away)” Option, Bringing Efficiency to Eternity
In a bold move inspired by the theme park industry, Smith Brothers Funeral Home has unveiled their latest service innovation: the “FastPass(away)”. Designed to streamline the funeral experience, this premium option offers grieving families a way to “skip the line” and enjoy a more efficient farewell for their loved ones.
“Let’s face it,” said funeral director Jerry Smith at a press conference. “In today’s fast-paced world, even mourning can feel like it’s running behind schedule. With FastPass(away), we’re offering families a first-class experience—because no one likes waiting for their final goodbye.”
The package includes priority seating at the service, an exclusive procession lane, and even a private viewing window. For an additional fee, families can add “Expedited Burial,” promising interment within the hour.
Not everyone is thrilled. Local resident and part-time grief counselor Mary Jenkins commented, “I just hope this doesn’t turn into a ‘who mourned it better’ situation. What’s next? Funeral VIP lounges?”
Despite the skepticism, Smith Brothers Funeral Home insists the service is about meeting modern demands. “We’re not just keeping up with the times—we’re staying ahead,” Smith added. “Because life is short, but a line at the cemetery shouldn’t be.”Time will tell if families embrace the concept, but one thing’s certain: Smith Brothers is making sure their clients rest in peace—efficiently.
Trivia
Which famous composer’s funeral was so poorly attended that only a handful of people came, despite his immense posthumous fame?
Select the correct answer, and you’ll get a GIF of an otter. Select the wrong one, and you’ll get a GIF of someone hurting themselves.
Answer Choices:
A) Ludwig van Beethoven
B) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
C) Johann Sebastian Bach
D) Franz Schubert
You Otter Be Proud
Here’s some good news going on in the profession.
- A funeral home in Jackson offered free rides to help ring in the New Year safely
- Old Lick Cemetery in Roanoke cleaned, repaired with help of national expert
- Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones
