This article comes from Caleb Wilde’s blog, Confessions of a Funeral Directors. Caleb’s articles are very thought provoking and sometimes very humorous. The following article fits that mold. This article is centered around a photo that in it’s self is pretty funny but Caleb’s inside humor just tops it off.
We are hoping that after you finish Caleb’s commentary you will provide your own cation for the photo. We are going to pick a few of your caption’s and create a poll to see which one is liked the best. The winner will get a $25 Visa Gift Card!
Guest Article from CalebWilde.com
Caption This!
There’s so many different angles of weirdness to this photo.
First off, I’m assuming there’s no body in that wicker coffin.
And the reason I’m assuming that there’s no body in the coffin is because funeral directors MUST NEVER smile when driving a hearse … or a hearse-bike for that matter. It’s a part of our religion and very much frowned upon. Seriously. It’s the commandment that comes after FUNERAL DIRECTORS MUST ALWAYS WEAR BLACK (a commandment that he’s still adhering to … thankfully).
If there’s a body in the wicker casket, I’m finding this smiley, Joel Osteen heretic guy and physically kicking him out of the Fraternal Order of Undertakers.
AND, who in the world would want a hearse-bike to carry their casket? This is America. This is the place of massive cars. Of expensive machines. Of Cadillacs. Of Lincolns. A bike? Really? What is this … France? I bet he’s so liberal he votes for Ralph Nader.
And, is the lady dressed in green in the background of the photo a pot pixie? “Created by God. Condemned and abused my man.” There’s a lot of eco-theology packed into that little statement. But that doesn’t concern me. No, I’m still upset about the smiling undertaker.
What concerns me is the small little number at the rear wheel of the hearse-bike thingy. Can you find it?
Is that number representative of his racing number? Is this a race? Is that creepy, soon to be ex-funeral director guy in a suit racing the hearse-bike? Wrong. So. Wrong.
And finally, what are those two kids doing sitting on the sidewalk in their pajamas?
This picture produces more questions than answers, which is why it needs your caption.
Don’t you just love a parade?
Eugene, Oregon – doesn’t that say it all?
Well this was taken in Eugene OR…and Sunset Hills does natural burials and one has to assume that he is promoting his services in this area, so the caption would have to read “Naturally we will take you Home!” The kids slept in since it was a Saturday parade and did not want to take time to dress, now the lady in Green….that is hard to explain!
This friendly undertaker is peddling past the big boss. He is very excited to show him how white he got the whitewalls on the company hearse. You see the boss promised him a big bone-ass if he could get them as white as his teeth, that’s one of the reason he is smiling. His secrete is he recently discovered Westley whitewall cleaner and smuggled it into the funeral home, “don’t tell the boss”. He prefers the good old fashion elbow grease method for his apprentice. The kids are still in their pajamas because they got up extra early to steal the bicycle seat and they didn’t want to miss the look on his face. The lady dressed like a plant is actually a man and is one of those funeral protester’s from the Westboro Baptist Church! He does not know about the fake soldier in the casket and the girl following the procession is about to exercise her right to kick his you know what back to you know where.
“… Go’in to the chapel and we’re … Gonna get bu-u-u-ried …”
“I sure am glad this dude wasn’t on The Biggest Loser!”
Bill McGuinness
bill@mcgfuneral.com
1. I think it’s safe to say that it’s empty. The faces of the on-lookers is pretty telling. My guess, this is a parade or perhaps the staging area for a parade just near downtown in Eugene, OR. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the # on the side is a registration #. Though it would be amazing to see him come off the seat and really dig in BMX style crossing a finish line with his hands in the air. Perhaps if we ask him, he’ll enter a race in the near future, record it, and post it on YouTube? It’d be pretty awesome to see the ultimate “green” hearse take home the gold!
2. Yes, that is very much a Pot Pixie, and the children in their PJ’s are most certainly its offspring. One can establish this simply by the boy’s haircut & the lack of motivation to get dressed for the day. Not to mention the fact that he’s too lazy to even hold up his own sign (propped up with his back & even facing the wrong way). I bet that grocery bag in his lap is filled with Little Debbie & Frito-Lays snacks for when they get the munchies.
3. I’m surprised that you didn’t comment on what appears to be a second, more “thuggish” group in the picture which has chosen to color coordinate themselves in white T’s. Perhaps they are Eugene, OR’s first local gang & their “fixin’ ta go hit a lick” or maybe even “buss some caps??”
4. You will likely find it just as amusing that this funeral home chose this very images to be a critical and recurring part of their web site http://www.sunsethillscemetery.com/.
For our cost conscious families. No gasoline used either!
” … with no particular place to go …
“All dressed up with no place to go!”
That’s what they mean when they GO GREEN!
♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ “Of a bicycle made for two” ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬
I certainly hope I don’t have to raise my arm to wave. I’ve been pedaling so hard that I am totally pitted-out!
News Report from November 22, 2012, “The first of the new federal government underwritten “green” funeral coaches has just rolled of the assembly line. According to page 182,486 paragraph 112 of the Obama Care Health Act all funeral homes must adapt to the new environmentally friendly funeral coach by the end of 2014 manufactured by the Abu Dub Coach Company in Indonesia at their factory at a former GM/Cadillac plant outside of Detroit.
Few funeral homes have had any negative comments about the change since gas prices are predicted to be over $25.00 a gallon by December 2013 since Obama’s re-election.
“I;m sexy and I know it!!”
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/haters-gonna-hate-unicorn-bike.jpg
~Bicycle bicycle bicycle~
~I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle~
I’d love to see that funeral procession!
Randy you gotta sing that to me, that made my day!
The far side of the “hearse” says, “One call, we haul, that’s all, $59.95.”
Ricky Bobby is all smiles as his #68 car glides to victory in the 11th annual Human Hearse Duathlon.