Article by: Jason Ryan Engler, Historian for the Cremation Association of North America
“Nobody wants to be forgotten” is a truism that bears repeating for those in the funeral profession. At worst, it is a cliché that many may consider over used. At best, it is an admonition and reminder of the possibility of our own existence being forgotten when we depart from this life.
As a cremationist by personal conviction, I often come in contact with funeral professionals who dislike what cremation creates – or, more realistically, does NOT create. As the historian for the Cremation Association of North America, I have done extensive research into our association’s past – and have realized a few ideas that cremationists have struggled with since cremation has been practiced in the US. To name a few: Unclaimed cremated remains; How to prevent scattering of cremated remains; Permanent Memorialization following cremation; Pricing.
Do any of these sound familiar? Obviously, cremation’s past was plagued with the same issues as cremation’s present and future. In reading the proceedings of almost 40-years-worth of annual conventions of the Cremation Association, I have learned some very important lessons that I can use in my daily dealings with families choosing cremation.
In my opinion, one of the biggest enemies cremation has ever seen is scattering. In cremation’s past, the crematory operators of the day frequently combatted scattering by refusing to pulverize cremated remains after they were removed from the cremation chamber. In other words, bone fragments were placed into the memorial urn rather than the reduced powder that is common in modern cases. This prevented the facilitation of scattering. Removing yourself from being a funeral professional, how would you like to be called upon to discard the human remains of someone that you have known and loved? The scattering process places undue grief on those called upon to do it. And, going a step further, once it is done – there’s no changing one’s mind.
The permanent cremation memorial is a necessity for future generations. Think of what has been learned about civilizations in ancient history by the study of their death practices! Scattering or keeping a loved one’s remains at home obliterates the possibility of future archaeologists and anthropologists learning about our culture. Paper dissolves, computers crash, but when a name is engraved on a permanent memorial urn made of material that will last, or on a stone marking a place of rest, these permanent, tangible signs provide stepping stones for future generations.
This doesn’t even take into account the importance of a family having closure during the grief process – giving their minds peace that there is finality to the death of someone they love.
It is the duty of the funeral professional to explain this importance to the families who are in our care. We must do all that we can do to maintain the heritage of our ever-changing culture. To do so is to fully serve those who call on us in times of need. It is, after all, what our life’s work is all about.
Jason Ryan Engler is a practicing funeral director in Northwest Arkansas and is the historian for the Cremation Association of North America. His interest and passion for the funeral profession and for cremation memorialization came at an early age, and put him on a journey of personally and professionally appreciating the beauty of the torch over the spade. Mr. Engler’s articles have appeared in regional and national funeral and cremation trade journals and he is author of the book Body to the Purifying Flame: A History of the Missouri Crematory, St. Louis, Missouri. He has been requested by mortuary school instructors to share his knowledge with the future leaders and practitioners of the funeral profession. He is active in local trade associations and lends his knowledge of cremation, its history and products to his colleagues who have dubbed him “Mr. Cremation” – an honored title he dutifully and willingly accepts and enjoys. He may be reached at cremationhistorian(at)hotmail.com .
The real enemy here is not scattering, but ignorant people that think they know more about what people need then what they want. Scattering is the #1 disposition of ashes because people choose to do it because of the way it makes them feel. To not care about the way people want to feel is to be truly disconnected from what funeral service is all about.
Cremation…..The New Tradition………..( hey, it’s cheap and fast…..next !! )
I certainly don’t feel the need to defend the expression of my personal and professional beliefs on a social platform, however, when it is inferred that I am “ignorant” or “disconnected” or that I need to be “educated just what it means to take care of families during this time” – I feel I should at least respond.
At times of grief, people often get by on the feelings they make for the spur of the moment – and many times feeling that they must follow every wish of the person who has died. Unfortunately, they don’t take into consideration the feelings they will deal with later in the grief process.
Not one time in the article I wrote for ConnectingDirectors did I say that people should be forced to make a decision that is against their ideals or wishes. If people choose to scatter the last mortal remains of someone they love, that is certainly their prerogative. I feel it is important for them to consider all options. I am not a proponent of burial, yet I offer all options to the families I serve.
The more we lose sight of the importance of memorialization, and the more we remove value from the mortal human remains of a person who has lived (whether it is by calling them ashes or it is by encouraging the dumping of human remains), the result will be the devaluation our profession in caring for the dead and the living who survive them. We will eventually put our profession out of business and become disposers. Those who have made negative comments here may not have a problem with this. But I do.
Having read Mr. Engler’s article and recognized it as both thoughtful and insightful, I was surprised to read Staab’s comments. Indeed, they were so far off the mark I had to go back and re-read the article because I thought I’d missed something, but I hadn’t!
I am not in the funeral industry so I don’t know if it is actually true scattering is the primary option chosen by families; however, even if that is the case, Mr, Engler expressly stated it was his opinion that scattering is one of cremation’s biggest enemies. He never suggested he would go against a family’s wishes and I find Staab’s suggestion the writer would do so…or that he feels he knows better than the families he serves…disturbing and patently inaccurate.
More importantly, I have had several friends and acquaintances who chose scattering and have profoundly regretted it ever since. They mourn the loss of a real connection to their deceased loved ones and several have opted to buy a niche or plot and place personal belongings of the deceased there. They long for a place to go to have a concrete connection and want something recording the fact the deceased ever existed.
Beyond that, even for families who forever celebrate the decision to scatter, it is simply bad form to accuse Mr. Engler of saying or doing anything as unethical as trying to force a decision on those who are grieving.
As for orbtrans, all I can say is I hope he is not in the funeral industry! His unfeeling, assembly-line approach is entirely disgusting!
Thank you, Mr. Engler, for saying your piece. Were I to require the services of a funeral director, I would hope to find one as thoughtful as you seem to be!
I wish I had known Mr. Engler at the time of my mother’s death. Other family members encouraged scattering her ashes in a place she loved to visit. Our funeral director had been pressing for full body burial and when we chose cremation, his demeanor changed and he seemed to lose interest in our needs. But, that’s another story…
At any rate, I was outnumbered and the family ended up scattering mom’s remains in a little park. A few years later, a development of homes encroached on the park and even took over a small portion. Family members had already come to regret the decision to scatter (I refrained from saying “I told you so”) but the fact part of the park was now the development’s clubhouse area made their regrets even stronger. Additionally, visiting the park wasn’t the same with all those homes right there.
Finally, looking at the park always makes me think of mom (development or not) but I envy people who have a place to go that includes permanent memorialization. I wish we had a marker and a real sense of place to visit, knowing mom’s remains were there and not scattered to the winds. Instead, I look at the park and regret the fact that no one in the future will look at it and know my mom even existed.
Thanks for your thoughtful article, Mr. Engler. You sound like a wonderful representative of the funeral industry — someone who really thinks and really cares. Hopefully, you and those like you can help save a family like mine from regret in the future.