‘The Bachelor’ Putting the ‘Fun’ in Funeral Home
Did the “Bachelor” funeral director Shawntel Newton take her hometown date a little to far when she had Brad lay down on the embalming table? Here is a recap from the date narrated by Buddytv.com and a video from Entertainment Tonight.
Date #3: Chico, California with Shawntel
First, they show a clip of a commercial for Shawntel’s family’s funeral home, which is SUPER WEIRD. Not the commercial. Just that they showed it, with no introduction or explanation. Shawntel of the Dead has officially been pigeon-holed. Cue the creepy organ music, because now it’s time to watch as she gives Brad a tour of her family-owned Death Factory.
“Death has been a big part of my life since I was a little girl. Which, I think, is healthy.” – Shawntel. I’m loving this already.
Shawntel says she hopes Brad comes to her hometown date “not being afraid of death,” which I think is the first time I’ve ever heard THAT hope expressed on The Bachelor. I dig it. Brad meets Shawntel inside the mausoleum, and he’s instantly freaked out. She asks if he wants to be buried or cremated when he dies. Since he’s technically a cyborg who’s programmed to “feel” but can never actually die, Brad expresses anxiety and confusion: “I haven’t even thought of death.” I continue this sentence in my head: “… but, and I’m just spit-ballin’ here, but I’d really like to be stuffed and mounted to a set of wires and manipulated by a puppeteer so that, even after I die, they could bring me back for a third installment of The Bachelor. Do you guys do that kinda stuff here?”
Shawntel shows Brad the crematorium. Do I even need to point out the humor in how unromantic this date is? I think you get it. BUT IN CASE YOU DIDN’T, HOW ABOUT BRAD LIES DOWN ON SHAWNTEL’S EMBALMING TABLE? And how about Shawntel puts on a FACE MASK for no reason? And then how about she explicitly explains the entire embalming process to him while waving a scalpel in his face?
Unfortunately, we don’t get to see any dead bodies, but Brad’s dead eyes as he watches Shawntel explain her work is close enough. It turns out Brad doesn’t handle death well, and he doesn’t think he could do what Shawntel does. She tells Brad that it seems like her job is creepy, but actually there’s a lot of love involved with the families she helps every day. Brad weakly attempts to convince himself that he likes how excited and invested and “full of life” (*COUGH*) Shawntel is about her job.
It’s time for Shawntel and Brad to rejoin the world of the living, so they go to her parents’ house, who thankfully do not look like the Addams family. In fact, the opposite: Shawntel has two hot blonde younger sisters that Brad has force himself to refrain from hitting on out of habit. At dinner, Shawntel’s dad takes the wind out of the happy couple’s love-sails by saying he is not happy about the idea that Shawntel might move away with Brad and not take over the business.
“Our plans have been destroyed,” Dad says, and now I think he might kill Brad with a scalpel and put him in the crematorium if Brad gets in the way! (THE PERFECT CRIME.) Shawntel is basically like, “Let’s deal with that if he proposes,” which, statistically speaking, he won’t, so who cares.
Dad eventually gives Brad a halfhearted blessing, and Shawntel seals the L-word deal with Brad: She was “falling in love” with him last week, but this week she is definitely “IN love.” I wonder what changed? Do you think it was seeing his lifeless body on her embalming table? I bet that’s what did it.
If any one has connections to Shawntel, ConnetingDirectors.com would love an interview!!
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